Carefully and slowly, I swayed back and forth, rubbing Nikolai’s back as I held him in my arms and waiting for him to drift off to sleep for his afternoon nap. I stood in Cybal’s living room, taking steps at the pace of a snail as I swayed Niko and although I seemed to be calm and relaxed holding my littlest, my mind was restless. After breakfast this morning when August had just left for school and Luca and Niko played in their bedroom, Isaiah told me he wanted to talk.. He didn’t say much else, he seemed nervous and uncomfortable and so did I by the way he worded everything.. He told me that this had gone on long enough, but instead of asking what he meant exactly, I just stood there like an idiot and nodded without even questioning it.. I guess I was in a slight shock that he finally wanted to talk, so I blindly agreed, and now, as I replay his words over and over in my head, I can’t help but wonder if maybe his words had negative intentions instead of the positive ones I’ve been hoping for for over a month.. My mind always went straight to the possible worst case scenarios and I could never seem to get away from them.
It’s been about two weeks since I had talked to James about what was happening between Isaiah and I, but I’ve been doing a lot better than I was.. I couldn’t believe I had let it get that bad to the point where my depression was effecting my appearance and it took me a while to realize how terrible I looked, but ever since I had, I’ve been doing laps in the pool, as well as taking the boys to the park more like I used to and running around with them constantly has been tiring as well as rewarding. I’ve been getting more sun, so I’ve looked less pale, I’ve been getting work outs in and I wasn’t nearly as weak anymore, and I’ve been eating better, too, so I’ve had a lot more energy for the boys.. I thought I’ve been doing pretty good and I thought that maybe Isaiah’s been noticing, but I still couldn’t figure out exactly what he meant by his words this morning.. Did he want to fix things, or break up?
I had an appointment today with one of my patients and Isaiah was already at work, so on days where we needed help, Cybal was always there for us and more than happy to watch the boys while we were at our jobs. Once August got home from school, I took the boys to her place and August played outside with Cybal’s daughter, Juliana, Luca was already asleep in the playpen, and Nikolai had just drifted off to sleep in my arms.. I always loved bringing the boys to her place because they loved being here and it was also the one place I could take them where I never worried about them.. Well, I guess I don’t need to worry about them when they’re at Kat and Jimmy’s house, but Cybal has more experience when handling a lot of children at once and she keeps them calm, focused and happy, whereas James likes to play with them and amp them up to no end and Kat loves to spoil them with toys and sweets, which Isaiah and I don’t really prefer.. Plus, she lives a lot closer than they do.. Cybal isn’t their mother, but they still are her flesh and blood and I can tell she holds them at a much higher importance in her life.. She even treats August just the same as she treats Luca and Nikolai and I’m incredibly grateful for that, as well. She’s just overall the best choice for when we need to put our children in other peoples hands.
I heard soft footsteps coming down the spiral staircase and I turned to see Cybal, smiling at me as she walked towards the kitchen and I smiled back, then slowly made my way over to the playpen and as carefully as I could, I pulled the fragile, sleeping Nikolai from my shoulder and set him down next to his brother. I was relieved when I noticed I had managed to not wake either of them and I stepped quietly out of the living room, going into the kitchen where I had seen Cybal retreat to.
I noticed Cybal making something to eat and she looked over her shoulder briefly when she heard me come into the kitchen.
“Hola, guapo. The little ones finally asleep?” She wondered and I smirked.
“Yeah, finally.. Thanks for watching them today,” I replied.
“It’s never a bother, I love having them here,” she answered genuinely.
“Where’s Napoleon?” I wondered, asking about her son that was a few years older than Juliana and August.
“He’s over at a friends house, he’ll be home later.. Are you hungry? I was making something for Juliana, August and I, but you’re more than welcome to join us if you have time before your appointment,” she invited, but I had absolutely no appetite thanks to my nerves..
“No, thank you, though.. Not really in the mood to eat..”
“Oh? Why’s that? Is something bothering you?” She wondered and although I didn’t want to talk about what Isaiah had said earlier, I felt as if I needed to talk about it with someone or else worrying about it without getting a second opinion would only excel my awful ability to overthink things.
“Well, I.. I don’t know, it’s-” I sighed softly, “It’s nothing, I guess..” I chickened out in the end.
Cybal stopped preparing food for her and the kids and looked to me, “It’s obviously something. Are you and Isaiah still not talking?” She wondered, knowing a little about what Isaiah and I are going through, though she didn’t know any details like James did.
“Yeah, we’re still not talking that much, but this morning he said something to me that I don’t know how to interpret and it’s all I can think about..”
“What did he say?”
“He said that ‘this has gone on long enough’ and that he wanted to talk tonight, and at first I was happy and agreed to it, but.. It was weird the more I thought about it after, because he didn’t smile, but then again he didn’t show any sign of worry, either, he was just.. Serious.. I can’t tell if he wants to make up and go back to how things were before or if-” I trailed off, not even wanting to say the words as my gaze met the floor.
“Sweetie, I’m sure he doesn’t intend to leave you. He’d be muy estúpido if he did something like that,” she replied and I chuckled, “He probably wants to talk about what happened in hopes of fixing things with you. Whoever needs to say sorry needs to say it and then it will all be fine,” she continued with a smile and I smirked, though when she turned back around to continue what she was doing, the smirk fell from my lips.. I had already apologized to him as many times as he would let me and I didn’t think he had anything to be sorry for, so Cybal couldn’t be right..
“Listen, cariño,” she began again, finishing her preparation and facing me, “Since he wants to talk tonight, let the boys sleep over here. You two need time alone and there’s no need for you have your hands full when you’re trying to do that. Besides, after you two make up, which is I’m sure what Isaiah wants to do, you’re going to really want that alone time, now won’t you?” She hinted with a grin and I felt my cheeks warm up.
“You really think we’ll be okay?” I asked and she nodded strongly.
“Oh yes, Ollie, definitivamente. I’d like if you guys made up, too, because then that means I get to make another rugrat for this beautiful family of yours,” she said with a smile and I smiled in return at the thought of more children with Isaiah.
“I’d really like that, too.. He told me after Nikolai was born that he wanted to keep going until we had a girl,” I replied and Cybal smiled more.
“See? That sounds wonderful! You think he’d give up something like that? You really think he, after a stupid fight, wants to stop after Niko? Isaiah never struck me as a quitter before, I don’t think he’d start today,” she pointed out and I nodded, knowing full well that she wasn’t wrong about that, at least.
“Thanks for everything, Cybal.. I should get to my appointment, so I’ll see you tomorrow,” I replied and she nodded.
“I’ll let the little ones know they’re sleeping over when they wake up from their nap. I’m sure they’ll be excited.”
“All right.. Tell them I love them, too.”
“Of course,” she answered, coming up to me and giving me a hug goodbye, “Good luck tonight,” she added and I smiled as I let her go.
“Thanks.. I’ll let the kids know the food is ready, too,” I answered, stepping out of the kitchen and going out the back door to find August.
After shutting the sliding door behind me, I saw August talking with Juliana as I made my way over to them.
“Your mom made a late lunch, Juliana, why don’t you go inside and eat?” I asked, wanting to have a second alone with August and she nodded with a smile.
“Okay!” She agreed, leaving August and I alone.
Once I heard the sliding door shut behind her, I addressed August, “I’m heading out now to go to my appointment.. Papa and I need to talk, too, so you and your brothers are going to sleep over here tonight, okay?” I let him know and his seemingly happy face fell blank.
“Okay..” He replied and I could tell he was worried.
I bent down closer to his height, “Hey, listen.. Everything’s going to be fine, we’re just going to talk, okay? You gotta talk things out in order to fix things, right? Nothing bad is going to happen,” I said with a smile.
“You promise?” He asked with his big, blue, doey eyes and I wished he hadn’t asked that, or looked at me the way he did, not wanting to give him an empty promise, but..
“..Yeah.. I promise, big guy,” I replied as I kept my soft smile, tousling his hair and I was happy to see a smile return to his lips, too, “We’ll see you tomorrow. I love you and take care of your brothers, okay? Keep Luca under control,” I continued and he nodded softly.
“I will. Love you, too,” he answered.
“All right.. Go inside and eat,” I instructed and he did as I said, watching him walk off towards the back door and he went inside as I then took my leave, too, and went to the car to go my appointment.
Now, instead of having Isaiah on my mind, I thought of our boys.. I thought of August and the fact that he was nothing like either Jody or I, which I was grateful for.. He was his own unique person. He wasn’t conniving or demanding or possessive, nor was he shy or weak or unreliable, he was a good, strong kid with a good head on his shoulders, and although it was a little difficult to joke around with him and get him to loosen up sometimes, he was still full of compassion and always knew exactly what he wanted and what would make him happy. I smiled to myself as I then thought of Luca, our wild and crazy child that loved doing things he knew was wrong or inappropriate just to get us to chase after him around the house. He was a lot like Isaiah, outgoing, playful and cocky at times, but a little more rambunctious and he also thrived for attention and looked to impress.. Pretty much everything that Isaiah is, just multiplied by ten. And Niko, our sweet, genuine, cuddle bug, Niko.. Probably the most caring and giving person I’ve ever met and he’s only just under two years old. He’s the easiest to get to sleep, the easiest to discipline because he never does anything wrong, and the one that can melt your heart the quickest. If he’s playing with something and he notices you crying or not having a good time, he’ll give you the thing he loves that he’s playing with just to see you happy.. He also adores being held and shown affection and if you treat him well and with plenty of love, he’ll return the same thing tenfold..
I couldn’t even imagine stopping after him and just the thought of being forced to give up the potential of making more children that I couldn’t be prouder of to call my own made me feel dejected.. I just hope by the end of the night and by the time Isaiah and I finish talking, he wants the exact same thing I do.
I didn’t have that far to drive, only taking me about twenty minutes to get to my appointment and when I pulled into the driveway, I saw my patient’s mother outside tending to her garden. She was a pretty attractive woman, I guess, though far from being my type.. She was a little too forward and she reminded me of a Stepford Wife.. Who the hell gardens in a dress and heels?
“Hey, Mrs. Green,” I announced when I got closer to her and she looked back at me.
“Oh, Oliver! It’s good to see you,” she replied, acting a little too excited to see me.
“How are you?”
I watched her stand and she faced me as I approached her, “I’m doing just lovely, sweetheart. And how many times have I told you to call me Brooke?” She teased and I chuckled.
“More than I can count on two hands, I believe,” I answered and she giggled. She seemed to like to get a little too familiar with me on occasion and I didn’t really enjoy it, so I preferred to address her formally to help remind her that she was married.. She knew full well that I was married to Isaiah, too, but nothing really seemed to stop her from flirting.. It’s as if she somehow knew I wasn’t only into men and she convinced herself that there was a chance between us.
“How are those beautiful boys of yours doing?” She questioned and although I really loved bragging about how wonderful my children were, I didn’t like discussing them with her.. She always found a way to turn innocent chatting about my boys into obvious come-on’s towards me, and that in itself, made me so much more uncomfortable.
“They’re doing really well, Mrs. Green, thanks for asking..”
“One of these days I’m going to meet them instead of just be shown pictures. They’re just so cute and adorable and I have a pretty good guess as to who they get it from,” she hinted and I gave her a rather uneasy pity-laugh.
“Yeah, well.. They take after my husband, mostly, so I’ll agree with you on that note,” I replied and I could tell she didn’t much prefer that response, so she changed the subject.. Thank the heavens.
“I missed seeing you around here and spending time with us. During your short leave, we had to find a temporary physical therapist, but no one gets through to Blair like you do, so it was difficult. She’s actually rather upset with you and told me to cancel the appointment, but I pushed her a little to go through with it anyways,” she added, feeling a bit displeased with myself for making Blair feel that way, as well as feeling uncomfortable from Mrs. Green’s words and how she probably wanted me here more than Blair, at the moment.
“Again, I apologize for not being here for her, there were just some personal matters that I had to deal with.. Maybe I can get her back to her normal self and hopefully she’ll understand that I didn’t want to leave her, I just needed to temporarily,” I replied and she smiled.
“Well, isn’t that nice. It’s always reassuring to hear that you want to be here and don’t feel obligated like all the rest of them have,” she complimented, touching my arm briefly and I squirmed a little.
“It’s my job, as well as what I enjoy, so of course I’d come back for her,” I paused briefly before trying to get away from the situation and trying my hardest to make her see I was here for my patient and not the patient’s horny mother that I wanted nothing to do with.
“I’m going to go see if I can get her out of bed,” I continued as I motioned with a hitchhikers hand behind me and Mrs. Green nodded when I began to step backwards slowly towards the house.
“Oh, of course, go, go! Listen to me rambling on and on,” she joked, “It’s good to have you back, Oliver, and if you need anything at all, anything, just holler,” she added and I almost gagged.
“Thanks, Mrs. Green,” I replied, finally able to get out of that situation and I stepped inside of the large house.
Despite the downside of Mrs. Green, coming to this patient’s house was my favorite. Blair was a quiet and shy person, much like myself, but we got along really well.. The first time I met her, the only things spoken were my instructions during her stretching.. I never pushed her or forced her to have a conversation with me, which I’ve noticed a lot of other physical therapists like to do and I think that’s why she liked me the most, the fact that I wasn’t like the rest of them. The second time I saw Blair for an appointment, Mr. Green stopped me afterward and told me how positive she had been lately, and also how I was the first therapist she’s had that’s come back for a second time, or rather, has been allowed back.. I was happy to say that today was my twelfth appointment with her.
After removing my shoes, I made my way upstairs to Blair’s room, knocking on the door softly and listening for a moment, but I didn’t hear anything.
“Blair?” I questioned, though silence still lingered, “Hey, it’s Oliver.. Can I come in, please?” I continued, but still nothing. This was the same way she acted when I had first met her.. Quiet, stubborn, trying to ignore me.. I could tell she hated being seen in her bed, I knew she hated the fact that she couldn’t go outside and play so easily as she used to be able to, and I knew she hated needing help, which is why it was sometimes difficult for her to let me into her room.. She had a very capable and strong mind and she hated being pitied.. She’s been without me for a little over a month when I normally see her twice a week, so I forced her to be with other therapists that I knew she hated and she had to deal with others that didn’t understand her like I did.. It probably felt like she was starting all over again with trying to find a good therapist and just when she was getting really used to me, I leave her.. I completely understood why she would be upset with me, and upset in general.
I knocked again, “Come on, Blair..”
“..Fine, you can come in..” She eventually replied and I smirked, opening her door slowly and seeing her sitting on her bed, deliberately not looking in my direction and I shut the door behind myself. At first, I didn’t acknowledge her, knowing she wouldn’t want to talk to me, anyways, so I went over to her dresser and opened the bottom drawer, removing the rolled up mat I had given her on our first appointment and I opened the sliding door to go outside, letting the gentle breeze into her room and I unrolled the mat in an open area for her to sit on.
I then came back inside and I stood there in the silence of her room, looking at her and waiting for her to look at me, but I knew she wouldn’t.. I stepped up to her bed, putting out my hand for her to take and I watched as her eyes looked at it for a long moment, knowing she was hesitating because she was upset with me, but when I motioned with my fingers with more implication that I wanted her hand, she sighed softly and finally put hers into mine.
I helped her sit up, Blair then facing me and I then took both of her hands, waiting for her to stand from the bed at her own pace. Her eyes held worry as she looked up to me, but once I gave her an encouraging smile, her view went back down to her legs and slowly, she scooted off of the bed and her feet met the ground. I held her hands tightly, feeling her using me as a support so she didn’t lose her balance and I stepped backward towards the open sliding door that led out onto the deck as she slowly followed, going one hundred percent at her pace as I helped her walk outside. Blair had been hit by a car while riding her bicycle and it shattered one of her knees while the other was only slightly fractured, and although getting her to walk again, let alone back onto a bike, would take a lot of time, she had a strong will and she was moving at a much quicker recovery pace than any other patient I’ve worked with that had bad knees.
When we got to the mat I had rolled out for her, I knew bending down was still a little much, so I picked her up within my arms and bent myself down to help her sit on the mat comfortably and to not strain her knees too much. I then sat down next to her, looking at her with the same smile on my lips and she still tried to act as if I wasn’t here.
“..Going to ignore me the whole time that I’m here?” I asked and she still didn’t talk to me, but I figured it would be like this for a little while.
“Have it your way..” I continued, deciding to let her be for now, “Why don’t you start by stretching first for a few minutes before we start your exercises,” I suggested, watching as Blair then still didn’t answer me, but at least I knew she was listening to me when I saw her beginning to do her stretches.
As Blair stretched, I wondered what I could say to her that would get her to talk to me again and I didn’t like the fact that today, I had to deal with Blair who was angry with me, and then later, I’d have to deal with Isaiah.. I didn’t like being surrounded by people that were upset with me and I hated that all that I’ve been saying lately, it seemed, is “I’m sorry”. I really need to work on not fucking up all the time.
“Let’s do your leg raises now,” I proposed first when I thought she had stretched long enough, watching her lie back and prop herself up on her elbows and I held out my hand above her foot to give her a lift requirement.
“Do ten lifts up to here,” I began and she started lifting her leg until her toes touched the palm of my hand, but she was still quiet..
I sighed softly, “Blair, look.. I’m sorry I wasn’t here.. I know it took a long time for you to find someone you’re comfortable with and I’m sorry for forcing you to get used to other people I’m sure you didn’t like, but.. I had something I had to deal with at home and I just couldn’t do my job. It’s nothing against you, I didn’t see any of my patients, I just needed that time off to fix something I broke, okay?” I tried to console her and she finally looked at me without a scowl on her face that only aimed to make me feel guilty.
“..What happened?” She asked and I chuckled.
“You wouldn’t understand if I told you. Let’s just say I made some poor choices and my husband didn’t like them,” I replied.
“What did you do?” She asked next and I sighed with a smile on my lips.
“Let’s get back to your exercising, shall we?” I suggested.
“I guess it’s okay,” she brought up as she continued to do her leg lifts.
“It’s okay that you weren’t here, I understand.. It was just lame because all my mom did was complain and tell me how difficult I was being. She said you’d be back soon and everything, but she doesn’t understand how all of the rest of them make me feel. They push me too hard and they’re always yelling in my face with these stupid dumb smiles like smiling makes it easier and they make me feel like I’m not doing good enough, even if I try my hardest,” she expressed and I felt even more guilty.
“I’m sorry, Blair.. Now keep your leg elevated like this for ten seconds,” I instructed and her face was uncomfortable as the seconds passed, but if she was in pain, she would’ve told me.
When the ten seconds was up, she let her leg drop, “Good job, now the other one,” I advised and she repeated what we had just done with her other leg, “And I know how you feel, Blair, but I don’t plan on taking another leave of absence anytime soon, so you don’t have to worry about putting up with anymore lame-o’s for a long time,” I joked and she giggled softly.
I had Blair do a few more exercises, including hamstring curls, calf raises, and even hip abductions, for about thirty more minutes before moving on to something else, something that I knew she would both love and hate. Blair wasn’t a fan of walking by herself yet, even though she’s already done it a couple times with me, but with the right persuasive enticements, I knew she could do this.
“All right, Blair, ready to walk by yourself?” I asked as I stood up, looking down at her and noticing her worried brows.
“Yup, you’re all warmed up now. I know you can and I know you can get further today than you have been.. Come on,” I invited, holding out my hand for her to take and she uneasily placed her hand within mine.
I pulled her up to her feet and while being her support again, I walked her over to where the decks ledge was, as well as a balancing bar and she placed her hands on those instead of my hands when we reached it. I stepped back slowly, letting her get her balance while remaining on high alert for her just in case her knees were to give out, but I’d be there quick enough to catch her.
“How far do I have to walk today?” She asked and I thought for a moment.
“How about all the way ’til the end?” I suggested and she looked at me as if I were crazy.
“What!? That’s so far!” Blair complained.
“You’ve gotten more than half way the last two times we did this and you have both railings to help you, as well as myself, if you need it.. I think you can go the whole way, though, and you know I won’t let you fall,” I encouraged and although she still didn’t seem too thrilled, I had a feeling I knew what I could do to get her to do it.
“I’ll tell you what.. If you make it all the way to the end without my help, I’ll put in a good word with August for you.. It’ll be your reward for doing good, as well as an apology from me for not being here for you,” I offered and she fell silent as she looked at me with a grin on my lips. I talk to her about my kids a lot and she enjoys hearing stories about them, but she liked hearing about August the most. They were in the same grade, went to the same school, they even had a few classes together. By about our third appointment, she found out I was August’s Dad and ever since then, I could tell she had a crush on my son, though I wasn’t even sure if she knew what a crush was at her young age..
“What makes you think I care? Boys are gross,” she replied and I chuckled.
“All right, fine, if you don’t want me to, then-“
“N-No! Wait! ..I do..” She admitted, seeing a slight blush to her cheeks as she looked away from me in embarrassment and I kept my smile.
“Well, all right then. Start whenever you’re ready, Blair. I’m right here, too, so don’t worry,” I encouraged and I watched her nod with slight concern in her eyes, though the more I watched her, I could tell she was talking herself up in her head and her expression began to turn rather determined.
It took a moment for her to gather her confidence and her will to do this on her own, as well as needing to make it all the way to the end and I knew she was worried that she wouldn’t make it without my help, but her and I both knew she could do it. I simply kept silent as she began walking, watching the expression on her face intently and the moment she would make a face as if she were in pain, I’d be there to catch her.. But, until I saw her do that, I’d stand here waiting and continuing to let her do this by herself.
“Good job, Blair.. You’re half way.. Don’t rush yourself, take your time,” I advised and she nodded with determination still in her eyes. Blair continued on, her hands just above the bar and the decks ledge for support, but her walking was rather impressive, to say the least.. She had come so far and she recovered so well, I didn’t doubt that she’d be running in less that a few months if she kept up with her stretching and exercises with me.
Step by step, she kept getting closer to me and when she was about two feet away, I held out my hands to catch her just in case, but when I noticed a smile on her lips, I could tell she didn’t need my help.
“Excellent job, Blair. I knew you could do it,” I said with joy, seeing her then take her final step and she reached out for me where I then caught her and she smiled bigger than I had ever seen her smile before.
“I made it!” She said happily.
“You sure did,” I confirmed, “I think that’s enough for today, don’t you think?” I wondered and she nodded.
“Yeah, for sure.. My knees are throbbing,” she said with a weak giggle and I kept my smile.
“Okay, well, let’s go back over to the mat so you can stretch one last time, then I’ll take you back to your room,” I suggested and she nodded happily before I assisted her back over to the mat and helped her sit down. Every different stretch, whether it was her left leg, her right, or both, I made her hold it there for ten seconds each time and I knew it burned for her to do that, but burning meant progress, and I knew she’d thank me later for making her stretch this much.
After she stretched for a long time, it was time for me to leave and get back home so I could be ready to talk to Isaiah, so I picked her up and took her back inside. I put her back into her bed before going back outside, rolling up her mat and returning it to the bottom drawer in her dresser, then shut the sliding door behind me.
“Will I see you Friday?” She asked and I could see the hope in her eyes.
“Yup. We’re back to every Tuesday and Friday, just like it used to be,” I confirmed and she smiled.
“Okay, good.. If I had to go through one more therapist yelling at my face ‘You can do it! Do it! Do iiittt!’, I was going to freak out,” she mocked them and I chuckled.
“Well, lucky for you, I won’t ever put you through that again, I promise,” I replied and she seemed genuinely happy that I was back.
“Thanks, Oliver,” she added.
“You don’t ever have to thank me, Blair, just keep that positive attitude and do your stretches every day. Maybe when you feel comfortable enough to go to the park with me, I’ll bring along August and you two can go on a little play date,” I added and her eyes went wide.
“Hey, shut up!” She called out with a red face and a smile on her lips, causing me to laugh.
“All right, Blair, I’ll see you Friday,” I made my leave and she waved.
“Yeah, see ya!” She replied and I stepped out of her room, shutting the door behind me and going downstairs.
When I came downstairs, I heard someone in the kitchen and I peaked around the staircase, seeing Mr. and Mrs. Green preparing for dinner.. It wasn’t often that I saw them in the same room together, and it was even rarer to see Mr. Green at home.. He usually always worked late, or was stuck in his office doing work from home.
“All done for the day, see you Friday!” I called out and they both looked towards me.
“Ah, Oliver! Glad to have you back,” Mr. Green called out, seeing him escape from his wife to come over and talk to me. I didn’t blame him one bit for wanting to get away from her..
He stuck out his hand and I accepted it, shaking his with my own and he seemed genuinely pleased to see me.
“How’s my little girl doing?” He asked and I smiled.
“She’s doing wonderful, really, but I want to apologize again for not being here for her.. I know it’s really hard for her to open up to people and I’m the only one she seems to like, but I wasn’t here for her and I made her go through, from what I hear, some pretty annoying substitutes.. It won’t happen again and today is the first of many more days to come that I’ll be here to get her up out of bed and onto her feet.. I’m sure if she sticks to her stretching and exercises, as well as our appointments, she’ll be running around in no time at all,” I answered and he smiled, though it seemed as if he was trying to hold back tears..?
“That’s great, that really makes me so happy to hear. Thank you so much for, well, just existing, because I don’t think we would’ve found anyone as good for her as you are. You really get through to her like no one else can,” he answered and I nodded in appreciation.. I’m sure she liked me because of how I was with her, but having August as my son was proving to be rather beneficial, too, since she had an innocent crush on him.. At times, she seemed to be fueled by the thought of August liking her in any way.
“Well, thank you.. I’m glad I can be here for her and help her heal, it’s what I love to do,” I replied and he stuck out his hand again for me to shake and I took it without hesitation.
“Thanks again, Oliver,” he added and I nodded once again before taking my leave, putting my shoes back on and walking out to the car.
As I drove home, I realized that all I had to do now was wait for Isaiah to get home from work so we could talk.. It was a little after six in the evening and I knew I had at least three and a half hours to prepare myself for whatever was going to happen, but if he doesn’t want to stay together, how the hell do I prepare myself for a break up? I guess there really is no preparing for that.. It’s going to hurt like nothing else I’ve ever felt before, it’s going to completely destroy me and there really is no telling how I’ll fully react if it happens, but I just hoped with every fiber of my being that I was just worrying for nothing.. Hoping that it wouldn’t happen and that everything would be okay, but.. I had to be honest, I didn’t have the slightest clue as to what might happen tonight..
When I got home and came into the house, I didn’t like how quiet it was.. Without the boys to entertain and with Isaiah still at work, I had no idea what to do with myself. As I stepped over to the kitchen, I looked around at all the stuff scattered about on the counter and I had forgotten to clean up this morning after breakfast, but I was easily distracted away from it when Isaiah proposed that we talk later tonight.. The silence of the entire house made me uneasy and uncomfortable, and as if mimicking a statue, I stood there motionless, not hungry or thirsty or really even looking to be in here at the moment, but I was at a loss of what to do in the house alone.. I didn’t like the thought of this possibly being the last night I get to stand in my own kitchen and see it so messy from breakfast with our energetic boys, but taking a mental picture was better than nothing, I guess..
As I stepped more into the kitchen, I began cleaning it up a little.. I collected all of the sippy-cups and kiddy plates, as well as Isaiah and I’s coffee mugs and bowls from cereal and I put everything into the sink. I put uneaten fruit into the fridge, put the cereal box away and wiped down the counter tops, then stepped over to the sink to wash all of the dishes I had collected. As I cleaned up, I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d get a chance to have more mornings like the one I did earlier with all of us in the same room.. What would happen exactly if we did break up? Would either of us keep the house, or would we sell it? Who would get the kids on weekdays and who’d get them on the weekends? ..Who would they choose to be with? Hell, knowing what I’ve done to people, to ones I both hate and love alike, it would be more logical, and safer, for them to be with Isaiah. Without him by my side, I think I’d make a terrible father.. I’d be lost without him.
When I was done in the kitchen, I was pacing blindly throughout the house, nothing to do, no one to talk to, nothing to clean up or even straighten out.. Everything seemed to be, coincidentally, already in its place, or maybe I just never noticed how everything usually was since I was always distracted by the boys..? Either way, there seemed to be nothing for me to do or occupy myself with while I waited for Isaiah to get home and I knew I’d get anxious and antsy if I just sat around for the remaining hours I had left before he got here.. I succumbed to taking a shower just to waste time, spending roughly forty-five minutes cleaning myself as well as just standing there and spacing out at times.. I wondered if Isaiah was as nervous as me and just wanted to get this all over with like I did..
When there was still two hours left before Isaiah would be home and I was clean, clothed, dabbed with cologne and everything about me lying just right, I ended up sitting on our bed and watching television, unable to think of anything else to do. I guess I should be thinking about what to expect with Isaiah, planning out what to say if things go good or bad, but at the same time, I kind of wanted to just play it by ear and see what happens before I go trying to figure out how I might act.. I wanted things to be natural, I wanted things to pan out how they should and either way, if he was doing what was best for himself and for our children, it didn’t matter to me what the decision was..
Pah! Who am I kidding? I cared more than anything about what his decision would be.. I said sorry so many times, he knew exactly how guilty I felt about everything and he knew that I was beating myself up for over a month for doing things to him he specifically told me not to, but after all this progress, how could he even think to leave me? To leave this family we worked so, so hard at creating and what took us so long to achieve together despite all of the speed bumps along the way? How could he do something like that? I’d do everything in my power to make this family work and if he wasn’t willing to do the same, then maybe things just really weren’t meant to be.. But, wait.. Why the hell am I getting so angry? I’m not even making any sense.. I’m acting as if he had made this decision already to leave me and I was actually getting sad as well as enraged at just the thought of it.. I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly and convincing myself to calm down and stay collected. I’d truly hate myself if I went into this conversation already angry.
After watching television for as long as I could possibly stand, looking over to the clock and seeing it was nearly nine at night, I honestly couldn’t wait until nine-thirty when Isaiah normally walked through the door.. I figured that if I got there before he closed the bar, I could as least convince him to give me a stiff drink to handle whatever he had to tell me.. With a great exuberance of random energy, I stood from the bed with a sense of rare determination and I marched through the house towards the front door and went out to the car, getting into his Mercedes and pulling out of the driveway without even checking the road and I quickly put it into drive so I could race to his work. I was sick of waiting to hear what he had to say, I was sick of letting my mind take me to places that I hated and I was sick of not being around him in general.. I was ready, and I wanted to get this the hell over with.
When I pulled into the parking lot, I saw my car and how most of the lights were still on, knowing he was still here and I quickly pulled into an empty spot and parked. I checked my phone before getting out and it was a little after nine, assuming all the customers were gone by now and I made my way towards the front door, but I stopped on the deck when I noticed Isaiah through the window, standing at the bar and wiping glasses clean, one after another.. It seemed innocent enough, as if he was doing his job without even a sliver of me on his mind, though when I noticed him lose grip of the glass he cleaned and he desperately tried his best to catch it, it fell to the ground and I heard it break from outside.. I wanted to run in and help him clean it up, though when I saw him stand there and not begin cleaning it up himself, I wondered if he was actually nervous.. I wondered if he was shaking like I was, heart trembling like mine had been, feet immobile like mine were.. God, I loved him so much..
Eventually, I remembered how to walk again and after getting passed the feeling of having cold feet, I stepped up to the door, testing the handle and I noticed he hadn’t locked the doors yet, so I slowly opened it and stepped in as he had just finished picking up the pieces of the broken glass and threw them away.
“..Sorry, we’re closed for the night. Last call was half an hour ago,” he said with a rather distant tone as he then began wiping down the counter tops and his words instantly reminded me of the first time we met.. He said something almost identical to it that very lonely night on Thanksgiving six years ago when I wanted company with anyone else but my family, and a seemingly simple bartender past closing time was what I had settled with.. The same bartender I realized later that wasn’t so simple, but completely amazing and the love of my life.
“Can you make an exception for a face like mine?” I questioned, quoting him from that first time and instantly, his head looked up from the counter top and just from the look in his eyes from my words, I could tell he knew exactly where and when I was quoting him from.
His expression was just as soft as the smirk that formed on his lips, “Sure.. You look like you could use a drink,” he replied and I couldn’t help but take that as a good sign.
“What do you want to drink?” He asked as I approached the bar slowly with my hands in my front pant pockets, my heart racing much quicker now than when we had first met and I felt as if he could tell, “Whiskey on the rocks?” He offered and I chuckled quietly, watching him then gesture with his hand towards a stool as an invitation for me to sit down.
“You remembered,” I replied as I finally grabbed a seat.
“How could I forget?” He asked rhetorically, watching him grab a glass and throw in a few ice cubes before filling it generously with liquor, “You know, this is pretty expensive stuff.. You sure you can pay for it?” He asked next, quoting another part of our conversation from long ago, and if I dared to believed it, I’d say he was flirting with me.
I could already feel my cheeks getting warm, “I know the owner.. He won’t mind if I put it on his tab,” I said playfully in return and I watched him grin, though I noticed he tried to hide it by looking back down at the counter top and continue to clean it.. This was already going well, right?
“You look really good tonight,” he expressed under his breath softly and I felt my cheeks blush even more, liking that he had noticed the trouble I went through to look my best for him.. I had only been talking to him for thirty seconds and already I felt as if I was on fire, but it’s how I always felt around him and I missed hearing sweet words from him so, so much.
“Thanks.. Might as well try to look good for either the best or worst news of my life,” I replied under my own breath, but I wasn’t sure if he heard me, “I-I, uhm..” I started as I grabbed the glass and slid it in front of myself, feeling as if we should possibly drop the casual talk, or flirting, whatever it was, and get right down to it, “Sorry, but I couldn’t wait any more.. I got back from my appointment and had close to four hours to wait for you to get home, but I was going crazy just sitting there doing nothing, so.. I hope you don’t mind that I came here.. I needed a stiff drink, anyways,” I admitted, looking up to him with slight worry in my brow as well as my tone.
“It’s okay. Where are the boys?” He asked casually and I somewhat despised how he could hold himself together so well that I could never tell if his heart was racing as fast as mine. I was irritated as well as envious of his poker face.
“They’re at Cybal’s.. I, uhm.. I told her we were talking tonight, so she volunteered to have them sleep over.. They’re there for the whole night, sooo.. Yeah,” I replied with a nervous quake in my words, seeing one of his brows jump up curiously and I couldn’t help but think he was happy to hear it since it gave us the entire night to ourselves, but then again, at a tense moment like this when there was still so much to talk about, I had no idea what any of his expressions truly meant.
“Today’s Tuesday, so you saw Blair?” He guessed right and I nodded, “Did her mom hit on you again?” He then questioned and I chuckled softly, taking a quick sip of my drink before answering.. Was he avoiding the blindingly obvious subject that we needed to talk about?
“Yeah, she did.. She even touched my arm all sensual-like after trying to imply that our boys’ good looks came from me.. But, I said they got it from you and she actually seemed kind of pissed that I said that instead of flirting back with her,” I replied and he seemed genuinely pleased by this.
“That old bat,” he commented and I grinned.
“She’s forty.. Only a year older than you,” I pointed out and he acted as if my words weren’t true, or rather, preposterous.
“That’s besides the point,” he added with a soft laugh, “She just never gives up, huh?” He asked rhetorically again and I kept my grin, “I guess I wouldn’t either if it was you in front of me,” he implied and I thought I was going to burst if he kept up with this flirting.. It kept coming up out of nowhere and I was never prepared for it. I planted my eyes on my drink in an attempt to hide how turned on I was, knowing this wasn’t the time nor the setting to fulfill that type of urge and I didn’t want to look up to see whatever expression he was making. Instead, I watched the ice cubes swirl around in my drink and clink against the edges of the glass, trying my best to think of things more appropriate for the moment..
“Are you going to drink with me, or am I doing this alone? ..I gotta say, I’m insanely nervous and I kind of need it.. Ever since you said you wanted to talk, I’ve been.. Well.. I’ve been on edge all day,” I added, looking up to him finally and I could tell he was listening to me intently, “So.. Will you drink with me, like you did at the old place when we first met?” I asked, watching as a smirk slowly formed on his lips and he nodded softly.
“Yeah, sure.. Let me finish up down here and I’ll share a drink with you upstairs. It’s a little more relaxing and private up there in my office, anyhow.. I’ll be there in a few minutes,” he suggested and I nodded in agreement, taking my glass with me and standing from the stool to go upstairs to his office and to let him finish closing up.
I went upstairs and through the door to where the lounge was, being hit by a thin wall of smoke and breathing in the lingering scent of cigars and expensive colognes brought back even more memories with Isaiah.. The night he first kissed me.. I barely knew him at the time, all that I knew was that he was new in town, owned a bar, was really nice, and had a thing for me. I was so surprised with myself that night looking back on it now.. I’m not very social with people I don’t know, but he made me feel comfortable and it actually felt good talking to him, as if I had known him for years already. I was nervous when he first invited me up to the VIP area at the old bar, feeling a little trapped at first, but he made me feel comfortable with that, too.. And when he kissed me? It was the most intense feeling that had ever come over me, but I freaked out like a wimp and ran away.. I guess it’s a good and bad memory at the same time.
This bar was a little more laid back than the one up in Oregon, though still pretty high-end for a more ‘mature’ crowd, and this lounge was a lot smaller than the other, but at least he had an office at this location so he didn’t have to do his paperwork and ordering behind the bar when there were customers. I grew bored of the lounge quickly and made my way to the door to his office and stepped in, shutting it behind me and it was a little hard to see at first through the dark, though I didn’t rush to turn on the lights when I looked to the view he had.. The ocean glowing under the moon that reflected into the room was enough light for me and I could probably stand here for hours looking out these windows and never get bored of it.
My eye caught movement to my right and I noticed the monitors mounted on the wall behind his desk, one for the front door, one for the bar, one for the dining area and one for the lounge just outside of this room. I set down my glass on his desk and stepped over to them, watching Isaiah behind the bar downstairs and I squinted just slightly in an attempt to figure out what he was doing.. Was he talking to himself? Was he nervous and practicing what to say to me? I was both a little excited as well as worried for what he might be practicing for, but when I noticed him then straightening out his clothes and his hair, I couldn’t help but crack a smile in hopes that he was trying to look good for me.. He didn’t have to do much to look good, but I loved whenever he put forth the effort, especially for a situation such as this one.. It showed that he cared, so it was a good sign, wasn’t it?
I noticed Isaiah then step out from behind the bar and he was making his way to the stairs, so I quickly crept away from the monitors to make it seem as if I hadn’t been watching him prepare himself to face me, grabbing my drink from his desk and bringing it over to the coffee table, instead. I sat down and waited for him, starring out the big windows and the beat of my heart began to pick up its pace as I waited for him to walk through the door, and when he did, I looked over to see his expression a little confused.
“Why is it so dark in here?” He questioned as he shut the door behind him and I had completely forgot to turn the lights on since I had gotten used to the darkness.
“Oh, s-sorry.. I saw the view out back and turning the lights on slipped my mind,” I replied, hearing him then flip a switch for the lights and he stepped over towards the monitors to turn each of them off one by one. I thought the lights would sting my eyes, but I had forgotten about the ambiance of his office.. He only ever turned on the ones with colored bulbs when he wanted to accomplish a certain mood, a mood he enjoyed being in whenever I used to stop by his work to have a rare drink with him when we didn’t have to watch the boys.. I think he had succeeded at creating the mood he wanted when I felt myself getting more nervous, as well as even the slightest bit excited by what this kind of setting usually meant during past occasions.. This was yet another good sign, it had to be..
I kept my view towards the coffee table, staring at my drink and watching the ice slowly melt as I listened to Isaiah at his personal bar pouring himself a drink like he had said he would downstairs, and when he was finished, he came over to the area I was in and sat across from me on the gray couch. Before either of us spoke, we both took a quick sip of our drinks and it seemed as if both of us had our tongues tied, but eventually, after a minute or two of silence, Isaiah finally spoke first.
“Oliver, I.. I actually don’t know where to start. If you haven’t noticed, I’ve been trying to think of how to start by avoiding the subject,” Isaiah began with a quick chuckle, swirling his own glass of iced whiskey and then taking another quick sip of it before continuing, “Well, before you say anything, I want to apologize to you,” he finally began, but I was already blown away by his words.
“Isaiah, you have nothing to be sorry for, believe me, it was all me, and-“
“No, no, please, Oliver.. Let me say what I want to say,” he pushed and I stopped, letting him have all the time he needed as I took another sip of my drink to help continue to calm my nerves.
Isaiah went on, “First, I’m sorry that it took me so long to talk to you. After you told me the truth about you kissing Jody, I just completely lost it and I was so angry and inconsolable that I just couldn’t focus on anything else and I thought I’d never forgive you.. After you told me that, I didn’t have an open mind anymore and everything you said after that was just another lie to me, even if it wasn’t, and I’m sorry for that, too.. It wasn’t fair to you,” he stated, hesitating a short moment before continuing, but already I felt as if tears were going to form in my eyes. He, in my mind, had nothing, absolutely nothing to apologize for, but here he was doing it..
“I’ve never told you about my past relationships because I was embarrassed, because I thought there was something wrong with me and I could never figure out what it was, but I.. I suppose there’s no easy way for me to say this, so I’ll just come out and say it.. I was cheated on and lied to.. Numerous times, actually.. I’ve been in a decent amount of relationships and about ninety percent of them have ended because they cheated on me or lied to me about something inexcusable.. I made poor choices in guys, I guess, or maybe they made the right choice by being with a young, stupid, gullible me, but.. After being with you for this long and being lied to about something like that, even if it was just a kiss, hearing that it had happened again and with the one person I thought would never do such a thing, it just.. It killed me. I didn’t hate you for it, though, like I had hated everyone else. I was more so completely furious with myself for being so in love with you to the point where leaving you was never even an option.. I never thought about it once, even after everything you did.. I might be crazy for not doing it, or maybe I’m crazy for not even considering it given my past experiences an’all, I don’t know, but.. I just can’t do it,” he expressed, but before I could say anything, there was still more on his mind.
“I want you to know that I forgive you, and I understand now that you doing that was out of necessity and not because you didn’t care about hurting me, but because you loved me.. I believe I should’ve been thanking you instead of punishing you for trying your best to keep her out of our lives, so.. Thank you,” he expressed and I thought that that was a little much, but I didn’t cut him off, “I’m not trying to make you feel worse by telling you about my past, either, I just wanted you to see why I had gotten so upset by you kissing her and why I had completely lost it and ignored you for so long. I just didn’t know how to handle it, but I know you’re sorry, and.. I’m sorry, too,” he explained and I knew he didn’t mean to make me feel bad, but I couldn’t help it.. I felt bad that I put him through that pain again and I felt bad that he had been treated so poorly, but at the same time, I was so beyond ecstatic to hear that he wasn’t going to leave me and never even let it cross his mind.
“Oliver..?” Isaiah questioned, most likely noticing that I’ve been trying to avoid letting him see the tears in my eyes. I tried so hard to hold them back, but I couldn’t, feeling my tears fall down my face and I reached up to quickly wipe them off my cheeks.
“Are you crying?” Isaiah asked with concern and I chuckled.
“I’m sorry, you just told me such shitty things that happened to you and I want to be sad for you, I am sad for you, I’m just.. I’m so goddamn happy to hear you’re not going to leave me.. Every day got worse for me and every day I had to convince myself that it wasn’t going to happen.. I just never knew for sure.. But, waiting to hear it all along and finally hearing it now, I.. I’m just so happy,” I replied, finally managing to wipe every tear away and keep anymore from falling.
I looked up to Isaiah, seeing a soft smile on his lips, “Well, I’m sorry it took me so long to say it. And no more crying, I hate when you cry, even if they’re happy tears,” he replied and I chuckled softly again, “I have more to say, too, so just hang in there a little longer, okay?” He added and I nodded.
“Secondly, I want to apologize for comparing you to Jody during our fight. I’ll never know the full extent of Jody’s obsession with you, but I do believe it was an incredibly unhealthy obsession and I do believe that you wanted nothing to do with her. I’m sorry you ever had to put up with her, too. I know now that everything you did was for the good of us and you never once preferred her over me, which I’m sorry it took me so long to realize that and I’m sorry that I ever questioned it.. I should’ve believed you from the very beginning,” he acknowledged next and I let out a relieved sigh.. It was such a great solace to hear that from him.
“Thank you,” I replied and he gave a soft nod.
“And she better not ever come looking for you or August, or I might just do something that I’m not even very comfortable talking about and you’d probably think I was crazy or something, so just don’t even ask. I won’t let her come between us again,” he said with a serious tone and I smiled nervously.. If only he knew that I had already taken care of that problem.. Nevertheless, I enjoyed the meaning behind his words.
Isaiah then continued, “And lastly, Oliver.. You’re not a bad person, not even in the slightest, and I’m sorry that I ever thought that and ever said that to you. You’re the most caring, sweet, wonderful man that I’ve ever been lucky enough to meet and start a family with. Without you, without our boys, I don’t even want to know what kind of life that would be.. I love you so much, Oliver, so damn much that I don’t think you’ll ever fully understand just how much that truly is,” he finished and I was so beyond happy, my tongue was caught in my throat and I thought I was going to start crying again if I managed to find any words. I hadn’t heard him tell me that he loved me in a month and a half and each day I went without hearing it was harder and harder to get through, but after hearing it now, I couldn’t describe how much joy I felt.
I heard Isaiah then chuckle nervously, “Oliver, don’t let me see tears in those eyes again.. Say something,” he requested and I smiled.
“S-Sorry, I’m just so happy.. And I can understand what you mean, ’cause it’s the exact same way I feel about you, too.. I love you more than you could ever know,” I answered and he smiled radiantly.
“Good.. So, no more avoiding eye contact, no more avoiding one another in general,” he started putting down a few ground rules, some much needed, back-to-normal ground rules.
“We have to say we love one another at least once a day,” I added and he nodded strongly.
“Agreed. I can’t even tell you how much I’ve missed that.”
“Me, too.. And you have to stop wasting my cologne.. It’s expensive,” I pointed out and he averted his eyes from mine momentarily out of embarrassment.
“I won’t have to waste it if you start sleeping with me again,” he suggested, his eyes coming back up to meet mine with a hopeful gaze and I knew my cheeks were a brilliant red at the thought of being in bed with him, but thank goodness it was still a little dim in his office.
“..I’ll start bringing my stuff back in the house first thing in the morning,” I replied and he seemed just as pleased and eager as I was to have things go back to how they used to be.
I then watched as a grin slowly crept over Isaiah’s lips, seeing him raise his hand and with a simple gesture towards me with his index finger to come over to him, my heart skipped a beat and without hesitating a single moment, I set down my drink and stood from my seat quickly, eager to go over to him. His right hand then raised with the left and they slid slowly over my hips, pulling me close and he looked up to me with a serious expression, his eyes holding a slight concern.
“Honestly, Oliver, I don’t care anymore and I don’t ever want to think about or talk about this again. It’s all in the past now and I just want things to go back to how they were,” he took the words right out of my mouth and I reached to touch the side of his face, able to feel the warmth behind his words through the soft skin of his cheek.
“I couldn’t agree more,” I replied and I then felt as he pulled my hips gently to invite me in, a smirk glued to my lips as I gladly came in to where I was being tugged and I took a comfortable seat in his lap.
“So, the kids are at Cybal’s all night, huh? ..That means I can give you your second present now since I never got a chance to on your birthday,” he implied with a rather hungry tone, watching his eyes travel over me and feeling his hands doing the same.. It was as if he was reminding himself of every curve that my body had with how much his hands explored.
“If the present is you, then I’m all for it,” I replied, putting my hand to the side of his face and he looked up to me, seeing his gaze bounce between my eyes and my lips and I knew he wanted to kiss me just as much as I wanted to kiss him.
I leaned in quickly, wanting to put an end to this long, long period of not being able to kiss him again and it was everything I knew it to be.. Warm, loving, inviting, addictive, everything that I adored about him and he hummed almost silent, gentle moans with each second that our kiss grew more sensual.. His lips felt simply amazing and I felt as if I could barely breathe, though that didn’t stop me from making it better by going a little rougher, more ardent, and I knew Isaiah approved of such a intense kiss when I felt him grip my hip and my bottom to show his yearning. He pried my lips open with his tongue and I felt him pull me down into his lap harder, feeling the firm excitement he had for me being rubbed against where I sat and already I could barely wait any longer until he’d do the same thing to me though without any clothes in our way.
As we kissed, I felt him hold me securely and with a gentle push, he laid me down onto the sofa, positioning himself over me and I could feel him beginning to slowly undo the buttons of my shirt. He made me feel whole again.. He made me strong and weak at the same time, he made me laugh to myself for ever doubting that he still wanted to be with me, and he was the only one who could put me back together. Both butterflies and fire danced inside of me as our kiss took no time at all to become more frenzied and fervid and it was so obvious how much the both of us wanted this.. Feeling his lips against mine after such a grueling wait made my core crumble and I completely adored the fact that we were back to normal. I felt nostalgic and even something as simple as a kiss became so powerful between us that it made it seem like we were both on Cloud Nine and with each soft brush of his tongue against mine, it made my heart tremble with delight and my entire body that much weaker.
My shirt quickly got removed and I had no idea where I had tossed it, I just knew that the fabric made me itch like crazy out of nowhere and I had to get it off of me as fast as I could. Isaiah removed his jacket and his vest, tossing them aimlessly just the same as I had done and my skin begged to be touched as anxious goosebumps covered my arms and spread over my body like a wave.. The terrible, all-too-familiar feeling of going unneeded and unwanted had grown on me over the time we were apart, but the moment I felt his warm breath and his soft lips kiss my neck down to my chest, those feelings completely disappeared and were replaced by a serious greed that I couldn’t contain.. I reached up, gripping what hair I could on the back of Isaiah’s head and I pulled a little harder, feeling the combination of his tongue-swipes and kisses getting rougher and even his teeth came into play to give one of my nipples a soft tug that made me hiss an excited inhale between my teeth. He obviously knew I wanted things to get a little bit more unruly.. He knew everything that made me melt and he didn’t waste any time going around that fact, touching every inch of my skin perfectly and the tips of his fingers raked down my side towards my pants. He followed the rim with his fingers in between the denim and the cotton, undoing the button and zipper with ease when he found them and I hastily kicked off my shoes to make the removal of them both that much easier.
Suddenly, as if I had completely missed the very short moment that it took for the rest of our clothes to come off, Isaiah was as bare as I was and positioned between my legs, both of us panting heavily already with anticipation and he looked down at me with immeasurable lust. I knew there was still an entire step to cover before we made love, but I just couldn’t wait any longer and I knew I was ready, at least ready enough.
“Just do it,” I nearly begged and I could tell that he knew exactly what I meant, his eyes holding a sense of shock as well as enthusiasm from my demand.
“You sure? It’s been a while,” he pointed out the obvious, reaching forward to caress my cheek and I reached up to hold and savor the feeling of his hand on my face, completely unable to get enough of him and I nodded.
“I can’t wait any longer,” I replied softly and the moment I gave the ‘go-head’, he got himself slick and ready for me. For a few long moments, it was uncomfortable at first, feeling as if it were our first time again, though the pleasure came quicker now than it had before and the second Isaiah knew I was used to him, he increased everything tenfold.
“Gah, dammit.. You feel s-so good.. Are you okay?” He could barely form that short sentence, needing to know that I was all right and I told him with a strong nod as I bit my bottom lip. I pushed my hips back into his whenever he reached his deepest and I could hear him talking under his heavy breath.. He was always way more vocal than I was, at least when it came to talking and not just moaning during, and he only ever cursed when he was wildly angry or wildly in pleasure.. I guess that’s how I always knew he was enjoying himself.
“F-fuck, Oliver.. You’re so fucking beautiful,” I heard him say as his thumb caressed over my bottom lip roughly and I gripped his hand more and more the harder he went. After a short while, Isaiah then lifted my right leg, getting more leverage and deeper into me that caused me to cry out more in complete ecstasy and at this rate, I didn’t know how much longer I could enjoy this without reaching my limit.
As if knowing I couldn’t hold back any longer and wanting this to last a little more, he slowed things down momentarily to grab my hips and hoist me up into his lap, a hidden strength of his he usually only showed during passionate moments like this that always surprised and excited me by how easily he could throw me around. The powerful need for one another grew stronger and the moment I wrapped my legs around him, his lips crashed into mine and we passionately stayed lip-locked until the very end. It was short and quick and I’m fairly sure we both knew it would be after going from an almost-every-day thing to nothing at all, but that didn’t make it any less meaningful or rewarding or pleasureful. I needed him to heal me, he needed me just the same, and being together again was when we were at our best.
After we enjoyed one another until almost ten thirty, we both grew exhausted and completely spent by what little we did and we laid together on the gray sofa just holding each other for the longest time.. I believed both of us knew how much we had needed that spark and that connection again and I’d never felt closer to him until now, growing relaxed and tired the longer I lie in his arms, his fingertips caressing lightly up and down my spine that only made me that much more at ease.
Suddenly, I opened my eyes and realize I had drifted off to sleep and I felt bad for being in his way just in case he had wanted to get up.
I pulled myself from his chest and looked to him, “Sorry, I think I fell asleep.. I was just comfortable,” I said apologetically, though Isaiah looked at me as if he didn’t hear a single word I said, or he just didn’t care in the slightest that I had slept on him.
“You’re incredible, you know that?” He pointed out and I scoffed softly.
“Yeah, right..” It was hard to believe him.
“I’m serious, you really are,” he continued, feeling his grip around me get tighter and I leaned in for a brief moment to kiss him before pulling away.
“Let’s go home.. You have no idea how much I’ve missed that bed,” I said with a smirk and he chuckled softly.
“You tired?” He implied, feeling his fingertips dipping lower down my spine than they were dipping before and I knew he still wanted me.
“Not if you aren’t,” I replied and I could see the excitement come back into his eyes.
“Good, ’cause I’m not even close to being done with you yet,” he said with a grin before finally letting me get up so we could both get dressed and head home.
As we got dressed, I kept glancing over towards him sitting on the couch as he put on his clothes, thinking back on the conversation Cybal and I had and I smiled at the thought of how she had said one of us needed to apologize and it would all be okay.. At the time, I thought that she was wrong because I had already apologized plenty and nothing seemed to become of it, but it never occurred to me that perhaps Isaiah needed to be the one to say sorry, as well.. I guess she was right after all.
“Do you want more kids?” I asked, seeing him buttoning his vest and he looked up to me with a warm smile.
“Of course, Oliver, especially if you do,” he replied.
“You don’t think we already have our hands full enough as it is?” I asked, seeing him then stand and secure his pants.
“Do you think we do?” He answered me with a question and I finished buttoning up my shirt before replying.
“I think even if I said yes to that question, I’d still want another..” I said with a smirk, looking up from my buttons and Isaiah kept the same smile on his lips. He stepped over towards me, his hands slowly sliding over my hips and around to my back, pulling me close and kissing me for a long, sweet moment before pulling away.
“You seriously make me so happy, Oliver. We’ll talk to Cybal about it soon, all right?” He suggested and I nodded happily, Isaiah pulling me into another quick kiss, “Let’s head home,” he added and I agreed, waiting for him to shut off the lights in his office and I then accompanied him downstairs where he shut everything else off, as well as locked the doors behind us and we drove home separately.
As I drove home, I couldn’t keep the smile off my lips, nor could I keep myself from glancing continuously in the rear view mirror to see Isaiah driving along calmly a few car lengths back. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to find someone so perfect for me, so understanding and completely infatuated with me, but luckily this time, it was an infatuation that went both ways. Finally, the past was in the past and there was nothing to do now but look forward and continue to plan out this life I’ve worked so hard to preserve.. It was time to actually start living without a shred of doubt or shame or secrets, and it felt damn good to have reached the calm after the wild storm that’s been my life up until now.
I drove through a yellow and Isaiah caught the red, forcing him to stop and he wasn’t following so close any longer, but he’d only be a little under a minute behind me. A few blocks later, I was coming up to our house and I pulled into the driveway, shutting my lights off and parking the car. I sat there for a moment, trying to think of a way I could surprise him in the little time that I had before he got here, but I couldn’t commit to anything so quickly.. Should I go in and leave a trail of my clothes leading to the bedroom? Should I grab the strawberries from the fridge so our evening could end sweeter than anticipated? I couldn’t decide, but either way, I’ll just pick something at random when I got inside, knowing Isaiah would like anything that I’d try to surprise him with, anyhow..
I got out of my car and shut the door, locking it by pressing a button on my keys and it beeped to let me know it was locked, then stepping up to the front door as I fumbled with the keys in my hand to unlock it..
“Excuse me?” A deep voice came up from behind me and I dropped my keys from being startled, turning around quickly and it was a little difficult to make out who was talking to me through the dark.
“Uhm.. Ca-can I help you?” I asked with worry, slowly bending down to pick up my keys and standing back up.
“Are you Oliver Dubois?” The man asked, his voice sounding broken, weak, even a little angry, if I dared to say so..
“Sorry, I-I don’t know who you’re talking about,” I replied with an uneasy smirk, already hating that the stranger knew my name, but when I stepped backwards closer to my front door, our motion sensor porch light turned on and the one who was talking to me was shown in the bright light.
My eyes widened slowly when I looked at the man, feeling as if I knew him from somewhere and that I had seen him before, but I couldn’t pin point from where.. Have I even seen him before? His eyes.. Those piercing blue eyes.. He reminded me someone..
The man stepped closer, “You are Oliver Dubois,” he confirmed to himself and my heart started to race, “For the past six years, I’ve been trying to think of what I would do when I would finally meet you.. I didn’t think I’d go through with it as I waited for you to get home, but.. The moment I saw you, it all became clear to me and I knew I needed to do this for my children.. My son and my daughter, ” he added and before I could even understand what he was saying, I saw him lunge towards me and I sharp pain pierced my abdomen, gasping immediately from what I felt.
I froze where I stood as my mouth hung open, my jaw trembling as I panted in fright at first, but then I felt nothing but a coursing pain as I looked into his eyes.. I then looked down briefly, seeing a knife plunged into the center of my lower torso and red began to slowly stain my white button-up shirt.
“You’re the reason my son is dead, and I know you’re the reason my daughter is missing, I just know you are!” He said angrily through clenched teeth, “And now.. You get the same fate of being taken before your time,” he added and as I stared into his eyes, I suddenly knew them.. They were the same eyes that Thomas had.. That Jody had.. Even August’s eyes had changed from when he was little from looking like mine to looking like his mothers.. Why can’t I ever escape those eyes that haunted me?
“Y-You’re..” I couldn’t complete my sentence, let alone say another word, feeling the knife slowly withdraw from being plunged into me and I let out a pain-filled whimper as I then dropped to my knees.. So this is what being stabbed felt like..
“You took my children away from me, so I’m going to take you away from yours,” he added as he still stood before me, seeing my own blood dripping off of the knife he used and when I looked down, the entire bottom of my shirt was soaked in a deep, wet red..
I then fell to my left, unable to hold myself up and I grew light-headed as a blinding white light made it so I could barely see a thing, but black is what soon consumed my vision. I heard the shuffle of his feet, no doubt running away from what he had done and I laid there in awe as I panted heavily. My head was spinning, consciousness slowly drifting, and I felt myself quickly growing cold as my body went limp and the side of my face met the cool ground.. I guess I really just can’t get away from those damn eyes..