Attention: NSFW. Kind of a long chapter, too. Enjoy. <3
I knew Isaiah was probably getting both angered and worried by my behavior lately.. Every time he’d call me, I kept the conversation short or I just wouldn’t answer at all, and every time he texts me, I keep those conversations short, too. He’s asked to see me countless times since we last saw one another and I knew he was beginning to get the impression that I’ve been avoiding him.. Claiming I’m sick, saying I have to study, even on weekends, and even lying and telling him that Camilla is in town and I want to spend time with her.. We never hung out that Sunday after I had slept over at his place, either, and we haven’t seen one another since..
It’s been almost a month and I miss him like crazy, but I just can’t face him. I still wasn’t ready to tell him about Jody and I’s situation..
Isaiah wanted to see me around Christmas, but all I did was stay home and spend it with Kat and James.. Well, actually I spent it mostly in my bedroom sulking my holiday away, but spending it alone was better than facing him and feeling even more guilty about lying to him this entire time about Jody being pregnant. I’m meeting up with her before her ballet practice today to talk about our situation, she’s been calling and texting me more than Isaiah has and I needed to find a way to get her to stop.. It would be even worse if I were to hang out with Isaiah and constantly have Jody calling or texting and it’d be hard for me not to tell Isaiah what was going on, but I’m not ready.. I can’t face him yet.
I woke up to a text from Isaiah, him telling me that he hopes I have a good day and that he misses me, but I can tell in this long month of not seeing one another that his texts and calls have slowly gotten less romantic, less caring, though he still continued to put forth the effort in talking to me at least a few times a week. I felt horrible every time I’d read his words or hear the longing in his voice with the phone to my ear, but I was still too much of a coward to see him in person, and I knew that at this rate he might start getting sick of me avoiding him.. I didn’t want to split up, but I wasn’t making things any easier for us and I felt that the longer I wait to tell him, the quicker he’s going to realize he doesn’t want me anymore.. But, at the same time, I’m scared of telling him about Jody being pregnant in fear he’d leave me for that, too.. I just didn’t know what to do anymore.
After getting dressed and ready, I still wasn’t mentally ready to leave yet, standing by my window and looking out at the snow falling on this New Year’s Eve. My mind got lost a little at the thought of the situation I was in, hoping that Jody wouldn’t be difficult today, but she was just too unpredictable..
My eyes went over to my bedroom door when I heard a soft knock on it, “Come in,” I called out and I saw James come into my room, shutting the door behind him and he had a welcoming yet worried grin on his lips.
“Hey..” James began.
“Hey.. What do you need?” I wondered and he lost whatever slight smile he held.
“I feel like we haven’t talked or hung out in forever.. Ever since I found you in the bathroom at school, like, a month ago, you’ve been a mess,” he began and I sighed softly, knowing that I had been avoiding Isaiah, but I’ve been avoiding everyone else, too, “Look, I know without you needing to say anything that Thomas did that to you, but I just want to know why..”
“Does he ever have a reason?” I asked sarcastically and I heard him sigh.
“Oliver, I’m not stupid-“
“I didn’t say you were,” I cut him off.
“Yeah, I know that, but.. You’re acting the exact same way you did after what Jody did to you.. I thought you got better, you seemed happy for a little while, but then after I found you in the bathroom at school, you went right back to being secluded and quiet, closed off.. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little worried, but you know you can talk to me about anything, so why haven’t you?”
“James, it’s not like I’m avoiding you specifically, I’m just.. Avoiding the world,” I put simply, but I could see in his face that he didn’t like my answer.
“Why?” He stressed, “Did you find out Jody was pregnant after all?” He asked and silence fell over the room, “That’s it.. Isn’t it?”
“Thomas is her older brother, I didn’t know that until he cornered me in the bathroom and threatened me, telling me to be with her all the way through this or he’d kill me himself.. He has no idea what she did to me, he thinks I’m the one that knocked her up on purpose and just dumped the crazy bitch, but he never gave me a chance to explain myself,” I finally admitted and I noticed James’ face go surprised.
“Holy shit.. That entire family is full of psycho’s, dude..” He replied with a rather baffled tone.
“Yeah.. I’m meeting up with her today so we can talk about what we’re going to do about it. I don’t want her to keep it, but something tells me that she’s going to keep it no matter what I say.. She’s been obsessed with me ever since we met, I highly doubt she’d even give a thought to getting rid of a kid she got from me.. It’s a free ticket to being involved in my life permanently,” I said with a defeated tone.
“Man.. I was really hoping she wasn’t, I’m sorry to hear that.. Do you want me to come with you..? For support or whatever?” He offered.
“No, it’s okay.. So far only you and Thomas know, but I told her I wanted to keep it a secret for as long as we could or until after we decided on keeping it or not, so you coming with would probably give her the impression that I’m telling everyone and excited about it or something.. And please, please don’t tell Kat,” I asked.
“Don’t worry, I won’t.. But, Oliver, she’s going to find out sooner or later, Jody’s in her ballet class and if she’s keeping it, it’s going to be impossible to hide that stomach. It won’t take Kat long at all to figure out who did it to her, too, so I’d tell her as soon as you and Jody make a decision,” he warned and I nodded.
“Good point.. Whenever I tell her, I need you to be there, I need you to help me explain what happened because Kat is the last person that’s going to understand this situation.. She gets mad at every little thing and you know that the first thing she’s going to do is call me a liar.. She’s still mad at me for missing her stupid ballet performance, too..”
I heard James let out a sigh, “Yeah, I know.. Would you just want me to tell her while you’re gone? That way you don’t have to worry about getting in an argument with her.. I’ll tell her everything so you don’t have to, she might understand better, too..”
“No, don’t.. I wasn’t even going to tell her the truth, I was going to tell her that it’s one of those things that just.. Happened.. I don’t need her getting protective, I don’t need her feeling guilty for introducing us, and I definitely don’t need her acting like I’m more helpless than she already thinks I am.. I don’t want to give her any reason to act as a parent towards me, she already does that enough as it is..”
“Well, no offense, but she’s going to act like that anyways if you tell her your first time together didn’t involve wearing any protection,” he pointed out and I let out an aggravated groan as I faced the window again.
“You’re right.. Whatever, I don’t know what to do anymore.. I’m so fucking lost. It’s just all so much to take in, so much to deal with.. I’ll have Kat calling me a idiot probably for the rest of my life, I have to deal with the obsessive woman I hate most in the world because we have a child together that I don’t even fucking want, and I can’t even be honest with the person I want to be with..”
“That’s why I’m saying let me tell Kat for you.. I’m trying to help, I want to take some of this weight off your shoulders. I know exactly what to tell her, just give me the ‘okay’ and that’s one less thing you have to worry about. And you know that I’ll help you any way I can with the kid, and with Jody.. And- wait..” He hesitated a moment, “Who’s the person you want to be with?” He asked and I stood still for a moment, not knowing if I wanted James to know about Isaiah yet or not.
“N-No, no, uhm.. I was just.. Talking in generalities,” I tried to play off and he believed me right away.
“Oh, I gotcha.. Well, either way, I’m here for you, okay? Stop being so closed off and just trust me, I’m always here to listen.. I hate seeing you moping around like you’d much rather die than get up in the mornings,” he somewhat joked and I smirked briefly, yet it fell from my lips quickly, “And honestly, whoever you choose to be with eventually will just have to deal with the fact that you have a kid, and if they don’t like it, they’re not right for you in the first place,” he assured me and it actually made me a little nervous. I had to agree with James, but.. What if Isaiah wasn’t okay with me having a kid? I liked him too much to break up with him over something like that, but even if I still wanted to be with him, would he still want to be with me?
“Thanks, James.. You’ve always been an good friend,” I replied and he smiled.
“And, well.. I guess you could tell Kat for me.. That actually would be a really big help,” I replied and he nodded.
“Don’t worry, I got it covered.. I’ll let you finish thinking, or whatever it is you were doing when I came in.. Staring out the window, I guess,” he said with a chuckle and I nodded, “Good luck, man.. Call me if anything happens.”
“Thanks,” I replied, watching him leave my room and shut the door behind him.
After about ten more minutes of thinking and thinking, staring out my window in my own depressed presence, I decided to finally leave and make my way towards the campus where I agreed to meet Jody. I don’t even really know why I’m going in the first place, I already knew that she was going to tell me she was keeping the baby despite me not wanting it, so why were we even meeting up? It made me disappointed in myself that I was seeing the woman I hated the most before I saw my boyfriend again.. It just seemed.. Wrong.. I’d much rather see him than her any day, but I just couldn’t understand why I was so scared to see him, more scared than I was to see Jody. My chest felt tingly and rather weak every time I thought about it and I felt terrible, but hopefully he won’t leave me before I get a chance to explain myself on why I’ve been so absent and selfish.
I approached the West wing of the campus where the theater and arts building was, staring up at the building as I walked and my stomach already began to turn, nerves hitting me fast and I wasn’t sure I could do this, slowly coming a stop before I went inside.. I looked at the windows of the building, seeing the white shades drawn to the ballet room, but I knew that once I entered the building, I just needed to walk down a short hallway that led to that room and that’s where Jody was waiting for me before the class started. I tried to think about what I was going to say to her before I saw her, but it was too unpredictable of a situation and I realized quick that the sooner I saw her, the sooner I would know exactly what to say and the sooner I could get the hell out of here.. I eventually then continued on, entering the building and walking down the dreaded hallway, coming to the door of the ballet room and I slowly stepped inside.
Bright lights hit me and it was a little hard to get used to at first, but my eyes eventually adjusted and I saw Jody, alone, doing a few moves near the ballet bar and she noticed me in the mirror, her face lighting up when she saw me.
“Oliver!” Jody’s voice rang and my heart dropped, watching her approach me happily with my hands in my pockets and my expression was obvious that I wasn’t pleased to see her.
Once Jody had reached me, I felt her arms immediately wrap around me and I couldn’t even get her off because my hands were stuck in my pockets and my arms were stuck at my sides. All of this made my stomach turn.
“Let go of me, Jody,” I demanded and she slowly pulled herself away from me.
“Well.. Someone woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning,” she teased and I rolled my eyes.
I stared at her with menacing eyes, but her expression had never changed from being happy to see me, “This is so exciting, don’t you think? A baby.. The two of us together.. I couldn’t ask for anything more,” she expressed with a sense of bliss and I furrowed my brows in slight anger. “Give me your hand,” she somewhat requested and I refused, but she reached for my hand anyhow and pulled it towards her stomach.
However, I ripped my hand away from her and slid it back within my pocket and she looked up at me as if she were confused, “Listen, I’m just going to get straight to the point.. I don’t want this. I don’t want anything to do with it. It wasn’t planned, it was an accident.. A horrible, exhausting accident that you forced me into and I don’t care about you or anything that has to do with you. I came to tell you that I don’t want it, I would be extremely happy if you got rid of it, and I’m asking – no – begging you, to go to a clinic and do just that,” I expressed and I watched as her glowing expression went from blissful to a dreaded realization, causing her bottom lip to begin quivering and I knew she was about to cry.
“B-But, Oliver.. You know I can’t do that. It’s far too late for something like that,” she tried to reason with me and I scoffed.
“Save it.. I’m here studying medicine, you think I don’t know when it’s too late to have an abortion? You’re still in your first trimester.. I would say don’t be so delusional, but I think that might be asking too much from you,” I mocked, noticing her lip still quivering and eventually tears began falling down from her eyes.
“No.. No, I don’t want to get rid of it.. Please, don’t make me do that Oliver,” she replied, watching as she placed one of her hands over her stomach, “It’s a gift, don’t you see? This is what will bring us together, this is what we need in order to fix everything between us!” She spoke dramatically, her hand reaching out and she clenched my arm, “Don’t make me do that,” she requested again and I shook my head in disgust at her.
“Fix? No.. Nothing can fix this.. It’s funny how when I don’t want something, you get it anyways.. But, now that I want something from you, you still insist on getting what you want. No matter how many times I say no, you’ll never take it for the answer..” I pointed out, looking at her glossy blue eyes that were soulless pits of nothing but selfishness and torment. She was a great actor, I’ll give her that, but once I’ve witnessed the monster inside of her for myself, there was no more fooling me anymore. I don’t know how I could tell so well since I was so fooled once before, but I could tell she was crazy, she was completely out of her mind.. Obsessive, violent, dominating, manipulative, her performance nearly flawless, but I knew better.
“Dry the crocodile tears and tell me what you’re really thinking. What the hell do you want from me?” I asked, seeing her still crying, whimpering like a pathetic little girl who got a toy taken away, but the longer I stared at her, not wavered by her sorrowful expressions and mannerisms, I slowly saw a change in her eyes. After a few sniffles, seeing her wiping her tears off her cheeks and her lip had stopped quivering, I saw her eyes burning with a sense of both passion and triumph. I knew it was safe to assume that her tears weren’t real, maybe even testing me to see if I was still the weak man that I was when we first met, but it was now obvious that it would take a lot more that fake tears and equally fake sadness to make me shake in my shoes.
“You,” she replied simply, “You ask me what I want from you, and the answer is you. Clearly I’m not one to give up so easily, but I’ll eventually make you see that we belong together. No matter how much you ask, no matter how much you beg, there’s nothing that you can do that’ll keep me from having this baby,” she replied, stepping up closer towards me and I continued to hold a hard gaze towards her.
“You’ll make me see, will you? You’re good at tricking people into getting what you want, but-“
“You, sweetheart, I’m good at tricking you. You’re just so.. Easy, delicate, completely delicious.. And it’s not exactly tricking you, but more like.. Coaxing you into seeing what’s truly best for you..” She continued, watching her still looking at me with a rather pleased expression.
Her hands then touched my chest and she slid them slowly up my jacket, “You know, I really did mean all of what I had said before.. When we were lying in your bed, my hands all over you.. You made me tell you exactly what I liked about you, and none of what I said was a lie,” she pointed out, “You know that you’re the reason why I’ve done all of this. If you weren’t so perfect for me, then just think that none of this would have ever happened between us.. Isn’t that so tragic to think about?” She continued and my brows furrowed more in anger.
“So, you’re telling me it’s all my fault that you forced yourself into my life, you took advantage of me, stalked me, and you even went as far as chaining me to you with a child that I didn’t want..?”
“Didn’t? As in you’re more open to the idea now?”
“N-No! Of course not.. You know exactly what I mean, yet you refuse to actually listen to me.. Take your hands off of me so I can leave before I remove them myself,” I warned and I saw her lips curling into a smile.
“You’re so sexy when you’re angry,” she replied and I turned my attention away from looking at her, “And what are you going to do if I don’t? Are you really going to push a pregnant woman off of you in the ballet room when anyone could walk in at any second? In an open area like this? You know, there’s always the chance that I could accidentally fall down, hurt myself, all because you shoved me and you know what? Knowing that you wouldn’t help me up, that would sure draw some attention, don’t you think?” Jody taunted and it only made me angrier.
Within the few seconds that I had fallen silent after her words, a few other girls entered the room and they all gave us curious eyes, almost happy to see Jody and I together and I grew a bit angered from her threat after the girls had walked far away from us to where they wouldn’t be able to hear our conversation.
“I kind of regret not meeting somewhere a little more private now,” I hissed in return and I heard her giggle softly.
“Oh, feeling a little frisky now, are we?” She asked flirtatiously.
“Hardly..” I replied with a stern tone.
“You know what? Since I’m in a good mood today and I’m feeling rather giving, I’ll leave you alone for a while.. You won’t see me for let’s say.. Until the end of the school year.. ‘Till summer. I won’t call or text, I’ll avoid you at school, I’ll just leave you alone.. All you gotta do is one little thing for me.”
“..What?” I asked coldly.
“Kiss me,” she answered and my eyes widened a little, “And not just a pathetic little peck on the lips.. I mean really kiss me.. Make me regret giving you this time without me,” she teased, giving my jacket a gentle tug and I swallowed hard as I looked at her.
Would she really do that..? It would definitely give me a chance to have a normal, good relationship with Isaiah if I didn’t have to worry about her constantly trying to get a hold of me.. I wouldn’t have to constantly hide my phone or turn my sound off just so Isaiah wouldn’t get mad that she’s trying to contact me.. We could actually be together and I could enjoy it completely without her invading my mind and my life, constantly reminding me with a text or a call that she still exists, and I had to admit that that sounded desirably tempting.
I took a deep breath and leaned down to her, kissing her lips briefly and she seemed surprised that I had done it.
“Good enough?” I wondered, yet she gave me an expression as if I was pathetic after I had pulled away.
“I don’t think you heard me correctly, Oliver.. I said a good kiss.. That little peck only buys you a week, sweetheart,” she replied and I grew angrier, watching as her expression seemed innocent and patient, but still taunting me with her empty eyes. “You know, we could make a deal that you don’t have to see me for the whole pregnancy if you take me to the bathroom across the hall and fuck me.. Which sounds better to you?” She asked and I was sick of this.. This torment.. This ridicule that was oblivious to everyone else but me and I needed to get away from it.. I needed to be released from the shackles she kept so tightly around my wrists..
I lifted my hand and gripped the back of her head, pulling her lips into mine and she let out a surprised moan as I did so. I hated that I thought of Isaiah as I did this, but it was the only thing that helped me get through it, picturing him instead of Jody, but it was hard to do when they kissed so differently.. Jody was rough and impersonal, only reminding me of the kiss we shared last when she was in my bed and before she had forced herself on me and the more my tongue played with hers, the more I felt as if my skin was crawling with maggots.
After a kiss that I thought would sway her mind, I pulled away and she was giving off a light, delicate pant from between her lips and the gloss that was upon them was now shared between the both of us. I removed my hand from behind her head and still gave her an expression that was both angered and completely unsatisfied, yet hers read the exact opposite.
“I had forgotten how good you tasted,” she said softly as I watched the tip of her tongue caress her upper lip.
“The rest of the school year..” I reminded her of our deal and she smiled more.
“I keep my promises, my love,” she agreed and I quickly turned around and left the ballet room with an angered and forceful push on the door.
As I left the building, I felt my knees growing weak, the weight of everything seeming to get heavier within seconds of leaving her and I staggered to a bench outside of the building, taking a seat within it and I brought my hands towards my face, noticing then that I still had gloss from her lips on mine and I quickly wiped it off. I could feel the world collapsing around me, my nightmare coming true and I was beginning to feel sick to my stomach. How could this get any worse? I had just made out with the woman I hated and I had kissed someone else other than Isaiah.. But, was it really that bad? I bought Isaiah and I time together, time away from that witch and I felt I had done the right thing for us, but why did my chest feel so heavy?
I couldn’t do this alone anymore, I couldn’t stand on my own two feet without help and at this point, I thought it was finally time I admit that to myself.. I could feel my insides getting worse the more I thought about her and I having a child and I couldn’t take this anymore alone.. I took my phone out of my pocket and I went through my contacts, stopping when I came to Isaiah’s name and I wondered if he’d mind if I came over. I needed to talk to him, I finally realized that the longer this goes avoided, the more I have a chance at losing him and that was the last thing I wanted.. I did this all for him.. For us.. I hesitated a moment, but my thumb seemed to move on its own, hitting the call button and I slowly brought my phone to my ear, listening to it ringing a few times before Isaiah picked up.
“Hey! I didn’t expect to get a call from you, what are you up to?” He said with an excited tone and I knew he loved that this was the first time in almost a month that I had contacted him first. But, I didn’t reply for a long moment, unable to think of what to say, unable to remember how to comprehend words and I could tell that he was already worried about me from the silence.
“Oliver..? Are you okay?” He asked, tears beginning to build in my eyes and I continued to open my mouth in an attempt to speak, but the frog in my throat was battling me.
Just then, I finally broke down, tears falling down my face, yet I was able to keep myself from making a sound. However, Isaiah already knew what was happening without me needing to give him a hint.
“Hey, where are you? Tell me where you are, I’ll come get you,” he pressured with more worry in his tone and I still sobbed without seeing an end to it anytime soon, “Oliver.. Please, stop crying and tell me where you are.. You’re breaking my heart making me listen to this,” he continued with a sorrowful chuckle.
“I’m so sorry.. I’m so sorry for avoiding you for this long.. Please, please forgive me..” I begged, feeling even more pathetic than I already was.
“I do, okay? I do.. Just tell me where you are and I’ll come and get you, all right?” He asked in return and I managed to regain a little more of my composure.
“At the campus.. Near the West wing,” I answered and he sounded relieved at last.
“Stay there, I’m leaving now and coming to get you,” he continued and I was glad that he wasn’t mad at me.
“Okay.. Will you stay on the phone with me?”
“Of course I’ll stay on the phone with you.. I’ll be there in two minutes, I swear,” he replied and already I felt the weight of everything grow a little bit lighter just knowing I was going to see him soon, but I was still nervous about what I was going to say to him.. How was I going to explain myself..? I knew I shouldn’t tell him about what I had done with Jody, but how else was I going to explain my absence? My inability to do the right thing, knowing full well that I should’ve told him about the baby I was having with Jody when I had that chance?
Isaiah continued to talk to me over the phone and I had calmed down a lot more, getting towards the campus as quickly as he could and we both hung up our phones once he had gotten there. I looked up to see him getting out of a taxi and he ran towards me once he saw me. He bent down in front of me and placed his hands on either sides of my face, lifting my head up and his expression filled with worry. Seeing him again after so long was like a breath of fresh air and I was glad to see the care he had for me once still as strong as the day we met, giving me more hope than I had for us.
“Hey.. Can you stand..? Let’s go to my place, okay? We can talk there,” he began sweetly, his hands then going to mine and he stood up, pulling me and helping me to my feet as well.
He put his arm around my back, guiding me back towards the cab as I kept my head down as I walked with him and he helped me into the car. He closed the door for me and quickly went around to the other side, getting into the cab as well and I kept my eyes to my lap the whole ride to his place, though knowing full well that he was looking at me the entire time and I didn’t blame him for being so worried about me. I called him crying for Christ’s sake.. Why did I have to come off so desperate?
The whole ride to his place, I couldn’t stop thinking about how I was going to tell him everything, how I was going to explain myself for being so absent and avoiding him completely.. How would I even begin to apologize for all of this? Even when living within the same town, our relationship had turned long distance, but calls and texts just wouldn’t cut it anymore and it was finally time for me to save what I could of our relationship before it was all gone.. I cared about him too much to let it all go to waste and I had to try.
The moment we had gotten to his place and the door shut to his condo behind us, I went for him, wrapping my arms around his neck suddenly and his arms wrapped around me just as quickly. I buried my face into the crook of his neck, hearing him take a large inhale and letting it out slowly a moment later, “It feels so good to hold you.. I honestly thought you didn’t want to see me again, beating myself up for weeks trying to figure out what I had done.. Tell me why you’ve made me wait so long for this to happen again,” he requested, holding me tighter and I felt terrible to making him feel that way when it was all my fault.
I kept my arms around him, my eyes shut and I tried to avoid his request.
“Please, tell me what I did,” he repeated his question.
“You didn’t do anything..”
“Don’t lie to me. I know I had to have done something, just tell me what it is and I’ll fix it,” he continued, hearing the remorse in his tone and just how worried he was that he had done something to hurt me made me want to cry for completely different reasons, but I managed to hold it back.
“It wasn’t you,” I reassured him once more.
“Then why..? Why have you been avoiding me?”
“I-I.. I haven’t been truly honest with you from the very beginning and I need to tell you something,” I replied, opening my eyes and I felt him pull himself away from me, his expression still holding a slight panic, “Can we go into the living room?”
“Sure..” He replied, letting me go and I remembered to take my shoes off before I followed him, taking my coat off slowly as well and hanging it on a hook by the door.
Isaiah had flipped on the lights to the living room and I watched as he walked towards the coffee table, yet his stride held some sort of frustration.
“You should probably sit down.. Or-“
“Just say it,” he demanded, refusing to sit as he then turned around and faced me with a stern expression, “Just tell me that you’re seeing someone else already and get it over with.. I knew there was more to this than what you had told me, so just tell me so I can finally know,” he continued to demand and I grew extremely nervous.
“I’m not seeing anyone else! Stop assuming that..” I told him and I noticed his expression giving a slight relief, though his worry came back, knowing now that my news could be even worse than he had expected, “I-I might’ve left something out from the story I told you.. With the girl that forced herself on me.. We, uhm.. It was just..” I stopped again, trying so hard to figure out the right words, but it was difficult to confess, “..Ugh! Why is this so hard to just tell you?” I expressed, unable to look at his worried eyes anymore and my view met the ground.
“Oliver, just say it.. This is killing me,” he expressed and I finally decided to spit it out and get it over with.
“She never put anything on me.. I’ve been worried this whole time that she might-” I stopped, biting the inside of my lip before continuing, “I’ve been worried this whole time that she might be pregnant, and I met up with her today to talk about how to deal with it.. It didn’t go well..”
“So, that’s why you were so upset when I picked you up, you had just spoken with her..? And you’re telling me she is pregnant..? And you’ve known?” He asked with a rather frustrated tone, but I didn’t answer, “For how long, Oliver?” He demanded.
“I didn’t find out for sure until I left after the last time I was here.. Her brother cornered me at school and told me, then the next day I talked to her and confirmed it.. But, it wasn’t until today that I finally met up with her to actually discuss it thoroughly with her.. And she’s keeping it, despite me not wanting it.. I’m so sorry.. This whole time I’ve-“
“You’ve what..? Avoided me? Refused to tell me what the hell was going on? Making me think that all of this has been for something that I’ve done? Do you even know how paranoid I’ve been lately?!” He raised his voice a little and I looked up to him again, “I thought you hated me! I thought that this whole time you might’ve been thinking of a way to break up with me, but this whole time, a fucking month, you’ve just been scared to tell me that the girl that took advantage of you might be carrying a fucking kid? That’s it!?“
“Yeah..” I confirmed shamefully.
“Jesus Christ..” He sounded both relieved and angry, but I couldn’t tell which one he felt more of.
“I’m sorry.. Please, don’t be mad at me.. Don’t leave me over this, don’t let this get in the way of us.. She’s keeping it and there’s nothing I can do about it,” I replied, my tone quiet and imploring.
“Oliver, I’m not mad that you got her knocked up, that’s not your fault at all! I’m mad that you didn’t trust me enough to tell me sooner and you can’t be honest with me.. I’m mad that you don’t trust me enough to fucking help you when you’re in trouble! When you obviously need help! That’s exactly what I’m here for, but you chose to avoid me instead..”
“But, I-I called you today..”
“Yeah, today, almost a Goddamn month after I last saw you! I thought you had left happy, I was happy! You left after a night of giving me, I’m sure, the hardest confession you’ve had to give someone, and yet you can’t even trust me enough to tell me something like this sooner.. What the hell is wrong with you, Oliver?”
“Everything! Everything is wrong with me! Okay?!” I yelled in return, seeing his eyes widen in surprise, “I came to you a wreck! I was in no position to be with anyone and it was selfish of me to drag you into this! It’s not that I don’t trust you, but how the hell could I have known that you’d take this kind of thing well? I was so scared that you’d want nothing to do with me after I told you!”
“You-” He stopped himself, seeing the anger within him building and his hands formed fists, “You talk to me! That’s how you’d know! Not by avoiding me for a month and just fucking assuming that I’d freak out about it! It happened before we were together, before I even knew who the hell you were, so who the hell am I to be judgmental or even angry with you for something like that?! How selfish do you think I am!?” He expressed harshly in return and it all hit me like a brick wall. He was right, completely right.. How could I have been so stupid? It was so obvious.. All he wanted was for me to trust him like I trust James.. “The only reason I’m so mad now is because you still can’t be honest with me, I’ve told you to stop lying to me, to stop hiding things from me.. You had every opportunity to tell me that one night, or the morning after, or anytime before you let a month pass! So why didn’t you?”
“I-I.. I didn’t know for sure then.. If she wasn’t, then there would’ve been no point in saying anything, right..?”
“But it was still a strong possibility that she could’ve been! We could’ve dealt with this together, you don’t need to go through this on your own.. Oliver, we’re together now, so whatever you’re dealing with, let me deal with it, too,” he expressed and I couldn’t explain why my knees felt weak again, my chest constricting, my hands shaking.. This was our first fight and it wasn’t just some stupid argument about who should do the dishes next, it felt more like our first fight that could very well end up being our last if I couldn’t apologize properly.
After a long moment of silence, both of us calming down a little more and the yelling subsiding, I looked up to him when I noticed him looking at me, “Why didn’t you just call me? Ever? You know how I feel about you, you know I’ll be as understanding as I can, so why don’t you trust me?”
“I already said.. It’s not that I don’t trust you, I just-“
“But that’s exactly it..” He cut me off, “You keep telling me that ‘it’s not that you don’t trust me’, but you still haven’t told me that you do..” He hesitated a moment, “This is.. This is a pretty big deal, Oliver. We decided to be together and the very next day, everything changed and it made me feel like you regretted your decision.. It made me feel as if I was something to regret.. Can you just put yourself in my shoes for one second and try to see that?” He asked, my view then dropping to the ground and I felt disgusted with myself. He was right about everything.. What the hell was I thinking? He’s been suffering more than I have, so how could I do this to him..?
“I truly am sorry.. I should’ve known better, I should’ve known that you’d help me and that you’d be supportive.. I felt that it would be pointless to tell you she could be pregnant, but then what if it turned out she wasn’t? I know now that that was stupid of me to think that way and it was stupid of me to leave that out, I should’ve told you when I was last here..”
I lifted my gaze back up to meet his, “I’m so sorry, Isaiah, and I do trust you, I really do, I just haven’t gotten used to it yet, but I promise I’ll try harder. It took my best friend years to gain all of my trust, it takes a long time for anyone to gain it, but I’m sorry for doubting you. The whole thing with this girl just made it harder for everyone else to get close to me, but I know you’re not her.. You’re nowhere near anything that she is and I’m grateful for that, you have no idea how grateful I am.. You’re actually probably the first person that’s gained this much trust from me in such a short amount of time and you know what? ..That scares me, too.. I can’t help having these thoughts of doubt, thoughts of maybe the fact that I jumped in without testing the water at first.. But, I’d rather be in over my head with you than to never have met you,” I stopped for a moment, trying to think of my next words as I looked to his face that was beginning to get emotional..
“I-I don’t even know if I’m making sense or if I’m just offending you, I’ve never been really good at sharing my feelings, but I hope I’m making at least some sense.. All I want is for you to forgive me and I’ll do anything until you do,” I ended, my view going to the floor once more and I waited there patiently for him to say something.
“I love you,” Isaiah spoke softly and my eyes widened, my view then slowly going back up to meet his and his face couldn’t have been more serious.
“W-What?” I asked just above a whisper as shock ran through my limbs.
“You heard me,” he replied sternly, “That’s why I was so mad at you, when I should’ve been mad with myself.. That’s why I was beating myself up for a month without you because I had fallen for you the moment we met and just the thought of the possibility that you regretted committing yourself to me made me crazy. I was mad at myself for falling in love with you because I knew it was too soon, but I let myself feel it anyways, and I only did it to myself.. I’m sorry I yelled at you,” he continued, averting his eyes from me and now he was the one looking towards the ground.
“I know that this is a little bit much to deal with all at once, especially after what you had to go through today.. But, after you called me, and especially after what you just said, I needed you to know. I let it all sink in and you called me for help, it was wrong of me to assume you didn’t trust me because you chose me to call, you chose me to be with and you chose me to help you through this.. I’m more than happy to help you, and I do forgive you..” He said softly, his eyes coming back up to meet mine and I was still at a loss for words..
“Oliver, I don’t mean to put you on the spot, I’m not asking you to say it back if you don’t feel the same, and I’m not asking you to say it just to make me feel good about myself. If you ever feel the same, whenever, if you ever feel it, then tell me, but I’m just telling you now because I was ready to. I needed to.. Don’t feel rushed because of me and don’t force yourself if you don’t feel it yet. If you ever want to say it, I want you to say it because you actually feel that way, okay?” He tried to clear things up a little, no doubt still seeing the shock in my face and I was relieved that he was still so understanding and that he forgave me. I honestly wasn’t sure if I loved him yet.. I definitely felt things that I had never felt before in my entire life thanks to him, but I wasn’t sure if it was safe to call that feeling love just yet.. I did feel bad that I wasn’t going to say it back, not now at least, but I knew he would understand.
“I-I, uhm.. I don’t know what to say,” I eventually replied and I watched him smirk for the first time since we had gotten here.
Isaiah then stepped closer towards me, “Then don’t say anything,” he answered, watching then as his hand reached up to the back of my head and he pulled me into his lips abruptly.
It didn’t take long for both of us to completely get lost in one another, a month being far too long for either of us to wait to feel like this again and I was consumed with relief that it had gone so well. Actually, it really didn’t go well considering we were yelling most of the time, but at least we’re both at a complete understanding and I felt that we were even better now than we ever were before.
Our kiss eventually grew a little more rough, our breathing intensifying and he began stepping towards me as I stepped away and my back eventually hit his bookshelf. A few books fell off the shelf from how hard my back had hit it, but I was too consumed with our kiss to even notice any pain I might’ve felt from it and I felt his hand leaving the back of my head and going down to my hip, gripping it in a wanting manner and my hips instinctively thrusted towards him. Our kiss was as deep as we could make it, my heart racing more than I thought I could handle and I then felt Isaiah press the front of his pelvis roughly against mine.
Isaiah then removed his hand from my hip and with my eyes still shut, I could feel him quickly removing his coat and his hands then went back to touching me once he had gotten rid of it. I was so nervous already, knowing where this was going as we continued to kiss, but I was a little more comfortable now than I had been in our other equally-intimate situations. I wondered for a moment whether me being more comfortable now had anything to do with knowing he loved me, but, either way, it felt right, and that’s all that I cared about.
Isaiah then pulled away from our rough kiss and looked to me, both of us breathing out of our mouths sofly in a panting manner.
“Are you okay?” He wondered and I nodded, “Do you want me to stop?” He asked next and I hesitated, feeling one of his hands wrapping around my waist as the fingertips from his other hand dipped down my abdomen and soon over my pants. His curious hand then applied pressure, grabbing my excitement over the fabric and I inhaled sharply, seeing his lips beginning to smirk and he hesitated a moment to let me say something if I needed to, but he seemed pleased when I didn’t and his hand continued to grip me gently.
Isaiah then leaned in, his lips going to mine and he kissed me gently at first as his hand continued to touch me. I was unable to hold in soft, quiet moans every time he gripped harder and our kiss grew rougher and increasingly passionate the more I seemed to show how much I enjoyed it. I couldn’t deny that I’ve thought about what we would do first when it came to being intimate, but I couldn’t even begin to fathom or grasp the amount of pleasure I might feel from him. What I had imagined completely failed in comparison to the real thing and just his hand touching me over the fabric of my pants made my entire body quiver with excitement.
I then felt Isaiah’s hand let go of me and he pulled his lips away as well, looking down at what he was doing and his fingertips began unbuttoning my pants and pulling down my zipper. He looked at me from the corner of his eye and smirked a little, his iceberg blue eyes staring at me as I then felt his warm hand sliding down the front of my pants and beneath my underwear and I let out another gasp when he gripped me tightly, my panting only increasing as he continued. Isaiah’s breathing then matched mine, watching as he looked at me intently, as if trying to fathom what was happening and his smirk grew a little wider.
“How did I get so lucky?” He asked himself as he looked to me and I felt my cheeks burning from being so flushed. How could he even say something like that? Here I thought this whole time that I wasn’t good enough for him, that I wasn’t good enough for anyone, and I’d never find someone who’d even think to say something like that.. Yet, he did.
“Kiss me,” I begged and Isaiah immediately pushed his lips into mine, kissing me as hard as he could and I hummed moans as he continued to touch me gently.
After a long kiss, I could tell he was still a little antsy, feeling him pull away from my lips and watching then as he went down to his knees in front of me, his hands gripping the rim of my pants and my heart started racing.
“W-Wait, what are you doing?” I asked in a slight panic and he chuckled.
“What do you think I’m doing? I want to use my mouth,” he replied, “I want to get you off and taste you at the same time,” he continued and my face immediately went hot from how openly blunt he could be. It was both a huge turn on as well as a little embarrassing..
“B-But.. What about you?” I asked and he seemed touched that I thought about him in this situation, though he quickly played it off.
“What about me? Stop thinking so much and just relax, I know you’re not ready for that,” he answered, still looking up at me with the same smirk on his lips, “Are you still okay?” He asked and I soon nodded, “Good,” he acknowledged with a genuine smile and I leaned my head back against the books upon the shelf behind me as I felt him pull my pants down.
I shut my eyes as I breathed steadily through my nose with my hands still on his shoulders, feeling his lips kissing the skin just below my hips, slowly pecking their way towards the base of me and once I felt him remove his lips from my skin, I waited for what I knew was coming next. His tongue touched me first and I instinctively jumped just slightly from the feel of it, feeling him them consume me and he took all of me. I let out a sharp gasp and already I began moaning softly from the feel of the inside of his mouth and his tongue was playing an equal part with the motion of his bobbing head. I had gotten something like this only less than a handful of times, but already, hands down, this was the most intense and pleasureful moments I had experienced and already it was beginning to get me closer to my breaking point than I would’ve liked. I hated that I knew I couldn’t completely enjoy this for a much longer amount of time, but for what it was worth, if I only felt this for a matter of a few seconds, I’d still be completely okay with it.
I felt his hands reaching up and he gripped my hips, causing me to thrust gently towards him and I leaned over, opening my eyes and I looked down, watching him pleasure me as I continued to let out heavy pants and moans. I was glad that I had finally called him, I was glad that he wasn’t mad at me, that he wasn’t going to leave me after telling him about my circumstances with Jody, and also that I was finally able to let him get closer to me.
I was drawing close to my brink and I could tell he knew it, too, feeling him going faster and I kept my hand on the back of his head while the other remained on his shoulder, my fingers digging into him and he took me fully every time. His hands gripped my thighs and the moment I felt the back of his throat again, I reached my release and my hand on his head gripped what hair I could for how short his was, holding on for dear life as I came and already I knew he had taken everything I had gave him without a single complaint, but immediately I felt bad.
I felt him release me and he picked up my pants for me, sliding them up my legs and I grabbed them as I panted, pulling them up the rest of the way and fastening them. I looked down at him still on his knees and he looked up at me with a sly grin, but I felt bad, bad for forcing him to do what he did, “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you-“
“Don’t..” He stopped me quickly, “Don’t you dare apologize for that,” he continued with determination in his tone as I still tried to catch my breath. I watched then as he stood to his feet, wiping his lips with one of his fingers and I could still feel how warm my face was.
Isaiah smirked as his eyes danced between my eyes and my lips, “Did you like that?” He wondered and I let out a soft, nervous laugh, watching his smirk turn into a smile from my response, “I’ll take that as a yes,” he continued, seeing his eyes remain on my lips then and he leaned in, pecking them a few times, each peck lasting longer than the last and he eventually moved his pecking to along my jawline.
I shut my eyes as I felt his lips kissing me slowly, letting myself get a little lost in his touch and I couldn’t help but think again to myself how stupid of me it was to keep myself from him for this long. It was obvious that he missed me, that he needed me, and it felt really, really good knowing that I now for sure had someone that genuinely loved me.. I loved that I could feel it every time I was with him.
My eyes opened a little when I noticed him pull away from my neck, seeing him looking at me with a content and loving expression, “Hey.. I’m sorry again.. For earlier..” He began and I smirked.
“Me, too.. For everything,” I replied and I could tell he was happy.
“Spend New Year’s with me,” he requested, “We already missed one holiday together.. I don’t want to be alone and have no one to kiss at midnight,” he continued.
“What about the bar?” I asked, watching him shrug.
“Ahh, fuck it.. I’d rather spend today alone with you than with a bunch of strangers watching them have all the fun. I can afford to miss a night.. It would only make me miss you, too, and I’ve already been doing enough of that lately,” he answered, keeping my smirk as his arms wrapped around me tighter and I thought about it for a moment. “Come onnn.. We can order some take out for dinner, I’ll get us some champagne, we can relax on the couch and wait for midnight.. It seems to me like you could use a calm night like that after what you’ve been dealing with, am I right?” He coaxed and I couldn’t agree with him more.
“Okay.. But I’m going home to grab a few things before I stay.. Like my tooth brush,” I replied and I heard him laugh, but soon he grew a somewhat serious expression.
“You’re going to come back this time.. Right..?” He asked with a tone that sounded as if he was unsure with himself, as if my answer had the possibility of being a negative one and I knew it was my fault that he felt like that. I noticed him then bring one of his hands up, his fingertips clearing away some of the hair that hid my face and I felt bad that he even felt the need to ask something like that..
“I will..” I confirmed, seeing him smile again and I leaned in to kiss him for a long moment before I left and went home.
When I had gotten home, I went upstairs to pack a small bag with some clothes and other essentials I would need, but before I left, James caught me in the hallway as I passed his room and we talked for a little bit.
“Hey- Ollie.. I talked to Kat before she went to ballet,” he mentioned.
“Well.. I ended up just telling her what your situation was, not exactly what happened.. I thought that maybe if you ever want to tell her all of the truth, you can tell her yourself and I’ll be right there with you, but, she knows now that Jody’s pregnant.. I told her to keep quiet about it, too,” he replied and I sighed.
“Okay.. Thanks for telling her for me,” I answered and he nodded and I went to leave, but he stopped me again.
“Oh, hey- What are you up to tonight? I was going to see if you’d want to open a few bottles of champagne with Kat and I at midnight.. Get a little drunk, forget about all our troubles,” he tried to coax and I smiled.
“No, thanks, though.. I have other plans.. You just have fun with Kat, you two need some alone time, anyways.. Maybe you’ll even have the balls to ask her out instead of flaking out like you did the night of her ballet performance,” I teased and he blushed slightly with a frown.
“Hey, I told you I needed you to be there to help me and you never showed up, so I chickened out..”
“Sure, sure.. Blame it on me,” I made fun of him more and he rolled his eyes, but soon he smirked and I noticed him look down at my bag.
“Are you sleeping over somewhere?” He asked and I froze for a moment.
“Uhm.. N-No.. I’ll, uh.. I’ll be back later.. Much later,” I lied, knowing that by the time him and Kat get drunk together that they won’t worry about where I am and I’ll be able to sleep over at Isaiah’s without them worrying about me.
“Have fun tonight.. And don’t be a pussy and chicken out this time,” I finished with a chuckle and I made my way downstairs.
“Fuck you, Ollie!” He called out and I laughed.
“Love you, too, Jimmy!” I called back with a grin and I left to go back to Isaiah’s.
When I got back to Isaiah’s, we ended up ordering a pizza for dinner and to pass the time until midnight, we watched a couple of different movies together, but it’s hard to say we paid any attention to them.. We would either get lost in conversation together, or get lost in each other without any conversation at all.
When the clock grew close to midnight, we switched to a popular news station that counted down the seconds and it began at one minute, Isaiah and I sitting anxiously upon his couch, waiting and waiting for the countdown to get to ten.. But, by the time it got to fifteen seconds left, Isaiah looked at me and it seemed that the look in his eyes read that he couldn’t wait another moment, already pushing his lips into mine and I could hear the news anchor counting down as we already kissed.
“Twelve.. Eleven.. Ten.. Nine..” He counted down and the more I tuned out the television as Isaiah kissed me..
“Three.. Two.. One.. Happy New Year!” The anchor called out, yet we were already consumed with one another upon the couch and even with our bottle of champagne sitting in a bucket of ice, untouched, we still couldn’t pull apart from one another to pop the cork.
I couldn’t fathom anything better than this and I completely lost myself in Isaiah’s kiss, oblivious now that it was New Year’s Day and still completely oblivious to the uncorked champagne he had iced for us specifically for this moment. Today was almost a little too much for me, so much happened in such little time, but I couldn’t have asked for a better way for it all to end. A new year, a fresh start.. It was all that I wanted with him and a sense of happiness was finally within my grasp.. It felt so comforting, so inviting, so right.. I loved it, everything about it and I looked forward to a long, uninterrupted relationship with him with no more hiccups for a long, long time.
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