These passed six months have been awful without Gibson living with me.. Nina was almost to her due date and Hannah was roughly six and a half months pregnant and I hadn’t seen Gibson in about two months.. He probably wasn’t too busy for me, but I hated not seeing him. Nina was literally driving me insane and I couldn’t take this. Ever since Gibson moved out, Nina has been pressuring me to let her live with me since there was so much room now but I couldn’t take living with her, let alone even being around her when she was like this.
Nina has been so goddamn emotional, needy, and temperamental that she was even more impossible to handle now than she was before. I.. I hated to admit it, but I was a little lost without Gibson.. I was lost without his guidence and lately I’ve been having that nagging urge again to feel warm blood on the very tips of my fingers, yet somehow.. Somehow I’ve still stayed strong and haven’t touched anyone in a violent manner since Katherine on the beach..
I’ve been sitting at the bar at the venue for about an hour now that Bennu had rented for Nina and Hannah to have their baby showers.. Bennu went a little nuts and bought both Nina and Hannah so many gifts that the entire gift table was mostly her doing, but some of the presents were from friends of both the ladies. I knew that Hannah wasn’t here long enough in the Palms to meet new people to have a lot of friends, most of them being friends of Nina’s, but at the same time, most of Nina’s friends were girls I’ve slept with, so I hid my face at the bar ever since I got here to avoid confrontation of any sort. I noticed Hannah and Nina conversing by the opening to the ‘man cave’, the area for men to go to so we could avoid all the mushy bullshit of pinks and blues.. Bennu talked to me for a few seconds to let me know that Gibson was coming later, and that he was still working. Bennu wasn’t too happy about that.. I felt bad that he had to work the afternoon shift during his baby shower with Hannah, yet ever since I showed him the money I made from my occasional jobs, he’s been avoiding asking me for any of it and he’s been working more, even more than when he used to when he lived with me.
I felt like he was avoiding me, but I didn’t want to believe it. I’ve called him a few times, even to come over and have a few beers with me, but he’s been so involved in his shitty ass job at the bookstore that he hated and wanted to quit that he could never come over, and if I were to put a tally on it, I’ve seen him about ten times throughout Hannah’s whole pregnancy. I was on my fourth beer already since I got here and it hadn’t even been that long since I had arrived, but I needed something to distract me from all of this pregnancy shit. If Gibson thought it was hard for me to be around Nina when she was less than two months pregnant, he hasn’t seen me yet when she was close to her due date..
“I should’ve known you’d be hiding in here,” a voice rang softly and I looked towards the entrance, seeing Hannah approaching me and I couldn’t help but smirk.
“Who said anything about hiding? I’m just.. Patiently waiting for another guy to show up before I feel like blowing my brains out around all you hormonal women,” I replied, still holding my smirk and I looked in front of me instead of at her.
“Ouch, have you been rehearsing that for whenever I’d come in? I don’t think that would go over well with anyone else that’s attending,” she answered and I chuckled.
“Nope, I’ve just got a quick sense of humor. But, in no way am I implying that I’m at all quick with, other things,” I hinted with a wink her way and she shook her head lightly.
“Still hitting on me, huh? After all this time?”
“What else is there to do around here? I only take the opportunities that people give me, babe,” I imply and she chuckles.
“I have something you could do, how about you feel your brother’s baby kicking? You know, the one I’m carrying right now?” She replied with attitude to put me in my place and I scoffed with a grin. Hannah and I have continued to be flirty around one another, though it was almost an unspoken agreement not to get involved with one another, especially after we all found out she was pregnant. Although I still wanted her just as much now as I did when I had first met her, there’s no way I’d try anything with a baby in her. The very thought of pregnancy for me was ruined thanks to Nina, and although I didn’t like looking at pregnant women, Hannah was the only one I could tolerate, just as long as I didn’t look any lower than her tits. Things were kind of awkward between Hannah and I ever since the night I met her, but she’s been slowly getting used to me more and more and I actually do think that she likes me now and is able to put up with my sometimes vulgar humor. Even if she isn’t in the mood for my advances, it’s still fun to do and I’ve noticed that my words can sometimes make her smile if she’s feeling down, though I think that if anyone made it as obvious as I was that I wanted to sleep with her, they’d be flattered and flustered as well.
“You won’t be able to use that belly of yours as an excuse for me to not hit on you much longer. Once it’s born and you get that perfect body of yours back, I’ll be coming onto you harder than ever,” I hint once more and look towards her, seeing her shaking her head disapprovingly once again, yet she still held that intrigued smirk of hers that I seemed to love so much. “I’m not making you too hot, am I? Do you want some water? A bed that we can lie on for a little while?” I continued and she rolled her eyes as I laughed.
“You’re unbelievable, Gareth..”
“Unbelievably handsome..? Funny? Irresistible?” I egged on, turning towards her and giving her a flirtatious grin.
“All the opposite, actually,” she replied with a grin of her own and I chuckled.
“Now we both know that that isn’t true.. There you go lying again, acting as if you don’t enjoy a single second of this.. Yet here you are, still standing in my, how you would say, unbelievable presence,” I continued and she rolled her eyes yet again, though didn’t deny my words.
“Hannah?” A voice we recognized said by the entrance of the bar area and we both looked, seeing Gibson smiling at her as he walked in.
“You’re finally here!” She said excitedly, going to Gibson and I watched them hug for a few long moments, then their embrace turned into a long kiss and I averted my eyes briefly. I wasn’t mad that the first person he greeted was her, though I was surprised with how long it took him to notice me sitting at the bar, especially after not seeing him for two months. He didn’t even glance towards me after he had pulled away from their kiss and then began paying attention to Hannah’s growing belly, sighing softly to myself. I’d never be one to be so excited about a baby, whether it was mine or anyone else’s. It was surprising to me to see just how genuinely happy Gibson looked when he paid any sort of attention to Hannah and their unborn, even if they weren’t talking, just being in the same room with her I could see his enjoyment.
I tried to avoid looking at them and chugged the rest of my remaining beer, then ordered another as they continued to talk, but I tried to ignore their conversation as well. I didn’t much like not being acknowledged, I even started to feel a bit ignored, but before I started resenting him a little, I felt a hard pat on my shoulder.
“Hey, it’s been a while, bro,” Gibson said and I looked to him, seeing him smiling as he took the seat next to me.
“Sure has..” I reply, chuckling lightly then when I noticed a subtle change about him, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you with facial hair.. You look.. Weird,” I said with a laugh and he joined me.
“Shut up.. It’s not weird, you’re just not used to it..” He replied, attempting to defend himself as he rubbed his own chin.
I took a sip of my beer and the bartender came over to us, talking to Gibson, “Hostess said that Father’s to be drink free, so what’ll you have?”
“It’s the one good perk about this whole fucking thing,” I added and the bartender tried to refrain from laughing.
Gibson gave me a disapproving expression and looked back to the bartender, “I’ll just have whatever he is,” he answered and the bartender nodded, grabbing him a beer and placing it down in front of him.
“So what’s been keeping you so busy? Can’t take an hour out of your hectic life to come visit me for two months?” I teased.
“Sorry, but you’re right.. Things have been a little hectic. Hannah and I are trying to buy a house.. I got promoted to Manager, too, so now I run the place. I’ve been working a lot more hours ever since I got that job, too. Plus, with Hannah being pregnant, it’s hard for her to get around and do normal things sometimes, so when I’m not at work I try to help her out in the daycare with the kids she watches, that’s pretty exhausting, as well..”
“Well, I guess it’s good practice for when your own is born, huh?” I reply and he nods with a smirk.
“Yeah, great practice.. Those kids are pretty much an example of everything I’m not going to do with mine. They’re monsters sometimes.. If my kid ever yells at me because he isn’t getting his way like this one kid does at the daycare, there will be zero tolerance from me.. I can’t stand when kids screams just to scream.. I don’t get it,” he replied with a chuckle and I laugh.
“So, what were you and Hannah talking about?” He wondered next, taking a sip of his beer.
“When?” I asked, confused.
“Just now, before I got here,” he replied and I nodded.
“Oh, uhm.. Nothing really, I’ve just been in here since I arrived about two hours ago and she felt like I needed company I guess,” I replied with a shrug.
“Isn’t that what Nina is for?” He replied with a sly grin and I chuckled.
“Hey, Hannah came to me, okay? And besides.. Nina’s mad at me. I told her I didn’t want to come to this and I’d just be doing the same thing at home as I am here, but nooooo, I had to come, even though I’m doing exactly that.. Well, and.. I might’ve slept with a few of her friends that are here..”
Gibson looked to me, his expression surprised as mine remained unwavered, “..Does Nina know?” He asked and I smirked.
“Hell no. I actually don’t even know why they’re here if not for me,” I replied.
“Try to keep things civilized, please..” He requested with a stern tone and I chuckled, “You don’t think that they’d cause a scene or anything, do you?” He wondered and I shrugged, unsure of how to answer him.
“Uhh.. Well, one of them is like Nina but less clingy.. The other, uhm.. She holds grudges sometimes, she didn’t like being broken up with. But don’t worry, I can deal with her if she tries anything. Nothing’s going to get ruined if that’s what you’re worried about,” I answered and he gave me an uneasy expression.
“Are you sure, Gareth? I really don’t want anything to ruin this for Hannah or Nina,” he replied and I sighed softly.
“Look, don’t even worry about it. It’s not like she’d say anything in front of the whole damn party. She’d wait until I was alone and she’d come to me at a reasonable time, I just won’t give her that chance,” I reassured him and he soon nodded, seeing some of the worry begin to leave his eyes.
“Boys, come out here!” Both Gibson and I looked towards the entrance and saw Bennu, smiling and motioning with her hand for us to come to her then placing her hands on her hips, “The girls are opening their gifts now,” she exclaimed and I sighed heavily, watching her leave and I looked back to Gibson who had a smirk on his face.
“This stuff really does make you happy, huh?” I asked and he chuckled lightly.
“I don’t expect you to understand because you don’t want any of this. But, I do. I guess I’m just really excited to be a Dad.. Only two and a half more months and I will be,” he replied with a wider smile and I simply shrugged, unable to understand his very apparent excitement.
“We should go out there, be there for them.. Even if you don’t want to do any of this or be part of bringing life into the world, you should still try and show Nina some support. She needs it from you the most and I know you haven’t supported her once through this whole thing. She must feel really alone in all of this,” he said with a somewhat remorseful tone, though I knew he still didn’t care as much as he was trying to portray.
“Whatever, she has her friends..” I answered, taking another sip of my beer.
“The friends that betrayed her and slept with you?” He points out with slight attitude and a grin as I frowned, “Hey, I’m just trying to talk at least a little bit of sense into you to help you see this more of a good thing than a bad one. You know, this isn’t all her fault, if you think of it like it is.. You didn’t protect yourself, this is just as much on you as it is her.. If you truly didn’t want it, you would’ve been more careful,” he continued, finishing his beer and I finished mine as well. Gibson was right, though I despised admitting it to myself.. I still didn’t want the kid, but I was foolish to think for a second that I did everything I could to prevent Nina getting pregnant.. “Come on, let’s go people watch at least, will that make you feel better? We haven’t done that in a while,” he suggested as he rose to his feet and I smirked, looking up to him and I nodded, joining him in the other room with the rest of the party.
Gibson and I took our seats, furthest away from everyone so we could still talk amongst ourselves without disturbing anyone else. I tried to space out a little as we waited for them to begin, though seeing all of the baby stuff on the table and surrounding the two ladies, it was hard to focus on anything else when all of that shit was staring back at me. It was almost like a slap in the face of the realization that I wasn’t lucky enough for all of this to be just a simple, stupid dream. It was real, we both were having babies, and the very thought of it made me cringe.
I looked over to Gibson and he held a slight smirk as he looked up at Hannah and she held a smile of her own as she looked back at him, wondering to myself if that’s what love looked like. I only assumed it was because I had only seen that look one other time in my life and that was from my Dad and Bennu. My eyes then went to Nina who was already looking at me, though she wasn’t smiling, nor was she showing any sort of excitement, but I figured I was the reason why. I didn’t know how to make it better for her, I wasn’t in the mood at all to try and make her feel more at ease by complimenting her or even giving her some kind of smile, afraid I would give her a false sense of hope as if I loved her, so she continued to hold her submissive yet blank expression. ..It was going to be a long day, and all I wanted was for it to be over.
After all of the gifts were opened and my boredom had reached an all time high, I decided to excuse myself from the party for a few minutes and have a cigarette outside. I was in desperate need of one anyways. I wasn’t sure if the day would ever come to where I’d be okay about having a kid, but I suppose I should start keeping more of an open mind about it. There was no avoiding it now. I know that Nina wanted to keep it from the very beginning, but I never quite understood why..? Did she just want to have something of mine, going as far as to get pregnant, to keep me around? Was this her way of thinking, resorting to having a baby with me so I’d stick by her side no matter what happened? Our lives were never going to be the same again, and I can still wholeheartedly blame her for it. The first night we finally had sex, I was done with her the moment I came, but for her it was entirely different, as if us having sex was a bond that she would never let be broken and she almost came off as if this baby was a good way to change me and to make me realize I love her or something equally ridiculous.. I don’t think I’ll ever understand how girls think or even why they tend to act certain ways.. All I know is that I’m in too deep of shit to get myself out now.
I was on my third cigarette now, chain smoking seemed to be the only thing keeping me from losing my mind here. I sat on the railing of the deck in back of the venue and continued to sulk by myself, no one had even bothered to join me out here either, not even Gibson. Every time I looked inside, all I saw was everyone talking and laughing, obviously having a much better time than I was. Gibson would follow Hannah around like a good dog, Nina would talk to Bennu and her own friends, Bahiti mingled with everyone, and all I did was sit here. Alone. My insides tingled a little and I couldn’t quite hone in on what I was feeling at the moment, but I sure as hell wasn’t feeling myself. When I still lived with Gibson, I knew that if and whenever I decided to come home, he’d be there waiting for me. He was always someone that I knew would be around that I could talk to, even if we did argue a lot, arguing was better than sitting at the house with no one for the passed six months. He had someone else to care for now, and he was going to be a father, just like me, but how was he able to pay attention to just one girl for the rest of his life? Hannah was special, I suppose.. Different. Hell, even I’ve never met anyone like her before, either.. I could see why he likes her so much. Maybe that’s why she was so hard to shake from your thoughts, her personality was hard to forget just as much as her looks were. I sighed heavily when I found myself thinking of Hannah again, but that seemed to be what always happened when she was around me. I wasn’t jealous, was I?
I hopped down from the railing and tossed the rest of my smoke over the edge, leaning over the wood and unsure of what to do with myself now. I continued to think of Hannah, the only woman I wanted more than a hundred year old bottle of whiskey, and even the satisfaction I got from smelling the iron in blood on my hands wouldn’t suffice my need to feel her at least once before I die, whenever that may be. I didn’t understand why I would constantly think about her when nothing else could occupy my mind. Maybe it was the way she carried herself or how she walked, maybe it was the way she laughed at my jokes and the fact that I didn’t repulse her with some of the more vulgar ones. Or, maybe it was the way she flirted with me.. I did most of the work and she would always come off as if she didn’t like it, constantly dismissing my advances or rolling her pretty blue-green eyes, but the smile that she couldn’t wipe off her face during it all told me that she enjoyed everything I had to say to her. I understand that she doesn’t flirt back as obvious as I do when Gibson could show up at any moment, but just once I’d like to get another chance to be alone with her like the chance I had when we first met. I wondered what she would do if we were ever alone again; would she still turn me down? Now that we’ve become friends over the passed months, I could see a night with her alone ending with more positive results than last time.
“Gareth?” A quiet voice I recognized instantly came from behind me and I stood up slowly, turning around to see Nina standing there, acting apprehensive as she looked to me.
“I thought you were too mad at me to talk,” I replied, seeing her look to the deck floor momentarily and soon back up to me.
“I-I guess not anymore.. I’m sorry you don’t want to be here, but I wanted to thank you for coming anyways. It means a lot to me,” she admitted with a shy tone and I sighed lightly. I realize I’ve been an asshole, and for the most part of it, I didn’t care that I was acting this way, but my selfishness and need to not be alone the rest of my life began to change my view a little. As much as she was a nuisance, I realized that with Gibson gone and the rest of my family unable to provide what I needed, it made me feel pathetic that I still wanted Nina despite what I thought of her or how I acted around her. She was all I had left now I guess, and I knew that I could always use her to fall back on should I ever need anything. She and my baby will always be there.
“Come here,” I requested, seeing her smirk a little and she walked over to me.
Nina stepped up to the railing and I pulled her in front of me, wrapping my arms around her slowly and Nina let out a quiet moan as well as a relaxed sigh when my hands went over her growing stomach, “I think this is the first time you’ve actually felt it,” Nina said quietly. She was right, this was the first time that I willingly touched her baby bump, but I more so intended just to touch her in general rather than show that I was admiring the baby growing. I felt the immense need for human contact after getting the chance to stew in my mind out here alone, and since I couldn’t do this with Hannah or anyone else right now, Nina was my best choice. “What are you thinking about?” She asked, my lips pecking her neck a few times and her head relaxed back onto my shoulder.
“Nothing..” I replied, thinking of Gibson’s words earlier from one of his life lessons he would give to me whenever we saw one another. He always had something to say that made me believe he still worried for me, and I was wondering if I should take his advice on this one in order to confirm to myself that I’d never wind up alone, “I’m sorry if I’ve been hard to deal with during all of this.. It still hasn’t fully sunk in yet..”
“It’s alright.. I’m not really ready for this, either.. I’m just trying to stay positive. I want to believe everything will work out the way it needs to,” she replied and I kissed her neck once more before turning her around to face me.
I pulled her closer to me and smirked, “What if we turned Gibson’s old room into our room, and my room in the basement can be for the baby?” I suggested and I watched as her face lit up with excitement.
“Wha- Yes.. Yes, that would be amazing, Gareth! A-Are you.. You are asking me to move in with you, right?” She wondered, wanting to confirm exactly what I was implying and I thought for a quick moment, trying to figure out for myself what the hell I had just said, but I guess I knew what I wanted to the point where I’d blurt out such nonsense.
“Yeah.. I suppose I am,” I replied and she smiled wide, throwing her arms around me and pulling me into an abrupt kiss to express her excitement, nearly knocking me down when her stomach had hit me before her lips did. I guess I took more advice and guidance from Gibson than I realized, taking my life into my own hands like he had and I was already beginning to regret my decision, but like I’ve thought before, there was no going back now, might as well see where this road takes me.